What If Everything You WANT Isn’t What You Truly NEED?

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Note from Mari

This article continues my ongoing exploration of goals and dreams. What shapes them? Where do they come from? Are they truly ours, or are they reflections of something external? These desires often guide our choices and shape our lives, yet how often do we stop to ask if they’re really leading us to happiness and fulfillment? Lately, I’ve been asking myself these questions about my own dreams and wants. Am I on the right path, or am I chasing an illusion? Worse, will I wake up one day and realize it was doomed from the start and that I was led astray? I want to share this with you so you can pull back the curtain on your own dreams and life and hopefully find more clarity.

 

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What do you want?

It’s a question asked so often it begins to feel like the foundation of our lives. From childhood dreams to adult ambitions, this question shapes how we measure success and happiness. It seems straightforward, even empowering, until it isn’t. Beneath the surface of this question lies an assumption: that we are in tune with ourselves, that we are capable of identifying what will bring us fulfillment, and that our desires are truly our own. But are they?

The truth is far messier. The things we think we want are often shaped by forces we barely notice. Advertising, social conditioning, and the constant buzz of external voices tell us what to strive for, who to be, and what will make life worthwhile. A bigger house, a higher salary, a more toned body. Success defined in Instagram posts and Pinterest boards. Even when our wants feel deeply personal, it’s worth asking: Are they really ours?

Perhaps the more important question is not What do you want? but What do you need?

The Illusion of Knowing What Makes Us Happy

It is unsettling to confront how often we get it wrong. We set goals with confidence: the promotion, the relationship, the lifestyle change. We convince ourselves that once we have these things, life will finally fall into place. And sometimes, it does - for a while. There is the rush of accomplishment, the fleeting sense of satisfaction. But it never lasts. The thing we swore would make us happy becomes just another item checked off a list, and the void we hoped to fill quietly reappears.

This is not because we lack discipline or gratitude. It is because we don’t always understand what happiness is. For many of us, it has become synonymous with consumption. We are sold the idea that acquiring more - whether it is material goods, experiences, or milestones - will lead to lasting joy.

"The cleverness of this system is that it perpetuates itself: the more we chase, the emptier we feel, and the emptier we feel, the more we chase."

The irony is that what we truly need is often much simpler than what we think we want. But simplicity does not sell. And so, we remain on the treadmill, too distracted by what’s next to question whether we are even running in the right direction.

 

 

The Quiet Voice Beneath the Noise

Needs are quieter than wants. They don’t shout; they whisper. They often reveal themselves in the stillness we are so quick to avoid. Truly sitting with yourself, without distractions, can feel deeply uncomfortable. When was the last time you sat in silence, simply noticing what your heart and body were asking for?

“Needs are quieter than wants. They don’t shout; they whisper.”

Sometimes what emerges in these moments is not what we expect. Needs can be inconvenient. They can challenge the life we’ve built, forcing us to confront uncomfortable truths. They are rarely glamorous. No one puts “the need for rest” on a vision board, yet it might be the very thing our overworked body is crying out for. No one promotes “a need for solitude” as a status symbol, yet without it, we lose the ability to hear our own thoughts and discern what truly matters.

Wants are easier to indulge because they rarely require introspection. They are loud, immediate, and often validated by others. Needs are humbling. They ask us to let go of the illusion that we are in control, that we know exactly what we’re doing, and that we can mold our lives into neat little narratives of success.

The Gap Between Wants and Needs

It is worth reflecting on how often our wants are at odds with our needs. We might want the promotion because it promises prestige and financial security, but what we need is time to reconnect with ourselves. We might want the relationship because we are tired of being alone, but what we need is to heal the parts of us that feel incomplete. We might want to lose weight because we’ve been told thinness equals worth, but what we need is to unlearn the lie that our value is tied to appearance.

“Society rarely celebrates those who honor their needs. Instead, it rewards the pursuit of wants that align with its ever-changing expectations.”

This gap between wants and needs is no accident. It is reinforced at every turn. Society does not reward us for meeting our needs. It rewards us for chasing wants that align with its expectations. When we choose to honor our needs instead, it requires stepping off the treadmill and saying: I will not let the world dictate what fulfillment looks like for me.

But breaking the mold is not easy. It means being different from the rest of society and sticking out like a sore thumb. It means acknowledging that we may have been wrong this whole time. It means sitting with the discomfort of uncertainty, the ache of unfulfilled desires, and the vulnerability of not having all the answers.

 

Embracing the Uncertainty of What Truly Matters

The question What do you need? is not one that can be answered quickly. It requires time, patience, and a willingness to listen to ourselves in ways we are not often taught. Needs are not static; they change as we do. What we need in one season of life may be entirely different in the next. This fluidity is both liberating and unsettling. It means there is no finish line, no moment when everything is neatly resolved. 

“When we stop chasing what we think we want, we create space for what we truly need to find us.”

And yet, there is a quiet freedom in this. When we stop obsessing over what we want, we make space for something deeper. We begin to notice the things that truly nourish us, often in the most unexpected ways: a conversation that makes us feel seen, a walk in the woods that grounds us, a night of deep sleep that restores something long depleted. These moments rarely look like the glossy images we are sold, but they have a substance that lingers in a way fleeting pleasures never can.

Living in the question does not mean abandoning our desires entirely. It means questioning their origins. It means asking: Where did this want come from? Does it align with who I truly am, or is it a reflection of someone else’s story? It means being brave enough to sit with the uncertainty of not knowing, trusting that clarity will come in its own time.

 

A Different Kind of Fulfillment

When we shift our focus from wants to needs, we may find that fulfillment looks very different from what we imagined. It means resisting the urge to define ourselves by what we achieve or possess. It means valuing the journey over the destination, the process over the outcome. It is quieter, more grounded, and often invisible to the outside world. 

This kind of fulfillment is not without its challenges. It asks us to let go of the stories we have been told about what life should look like. It asks us to trust ourselves in a world that profits from our doubt. It asks us to sit in the discomfort of wanting without rushing to fill the void.

“What we need was never out there to begin with. It was here, waiting, all along.”

But perhaps it is in this discomfort that something profound happens. When we stop chasing what we think we want, we create space for what we truly need to find us. And when it does, it is not always loud or dramatic. It is often quiet, like the whisper of a long-lost friend, reminding us of something we had forgotten but always knew deep down: that what we need was never out there to begin with. It was here, waiting, all along.

 

Continue Your Reflection

• Chasing Dreams or Feeding Your Ego? Signs You’re on the Wrong Path
• How to Sit Quietly With Yourself: The Ultimate Guide