PREFACE BY MARI BERLIN
Living in a society that capitalizes on people seeking comfort and love outside of themselves, I believe that many of us struggle to prioritize self-worth and self-care for various reasons. We are bombarded daily by advertisements that continually reinforce the message that we are not enough or that we would be happier if we possessed certain things. It's no surprise that we often feel lost when it comes to self-care, and much of this struggle occurs on a subconscious level.
Growing up, there was this unspoken rule in my life: I came last. It wasn't something that was directly taught, but I picked it up somewhere along the way. Everyone else's needs (especially my mother's needs), desires, and whims came before my own. So when I first tried putting myself first, it felt... off. Like wearing a shoe on the wrong foot.
At the beginning, every time I tried to prioritize my own needs, this nagging voice in my head kept telling me I was doing something wrong. My inner child was probably scared of what would happen if I broke the unspoken rule. It was weirdly tough to shake off, but I knew I had to change. So, I started with baby steps, tiny acts of self-care here and there. And you know what? Over time, it started feeling less "wrong" and more "right".
Now, I’m in a much better place with it all. It's funny to think that something as simple as taking care of oneself could feel so foreign. But if I've learned anything, it's that sometimes the most simple habits to develop are the ones we need the most.
I highly recommend you to also read the article: Understanding Internalized Capitalism & How to Break Free
The term “self-care” has become synonymous with relaxation, rejuvenation, and self-love. From journaling to setting boundaries, the act of caring for oneself is heralded as the path to inner peace and well-being. However, for many individuals, the mere thought of self-care stirs up feelings of unworthiness, discomfort, or even guilt. What's alarming is that this sentiment often operates on a subconscious level, which means that people may not even be aware that they feel this way.
Why Don’t We Feel Worthy of Self-Care?
The notion of not feeling worthy of self-care isn’t a fleeting thought. It is deeply rooted in a person's psyche and often stems from a mix of past traumas, societal pressures, and personal experiences. Here are a few reasons why this might happen:
Childhood Experiences: Childhood is a formative phase. If during this period, an individual was constantly told or made to feel that their needs were unimportant or secondary, they might internalize this sentiment and carry it into adulthood.
Societal Pressures: Society often places more value on selflessness and sacrifice, especially among certain cultural or gender roles. Over time, this can make individuals believe that prioritizing their needs is selfish.
Past Traumas: Experiences like emotional, physical, or sexual abuse can significantly impact an individual's self-worth. Victims may feel that they don't deserve love, care, or kindness.
Recognizing feelings of unworthiness requires introspection, as these beliefs often manifest in subtle ways:
1. Procrastination in Personal Tasks
Consistently putting off tasks or activities meant for personal growth or well-being, like skipping workouts or postponing doctor appointments, may hint at an internal sense of unworthiness. This procrastination isn't just about poor time management; it's a reflection of an individual's perceived value of their self-improvement efforts. Continually delaying these personal tasks suggests a deeper belief that one's own needs are not significant or deserving of attention. Over time, this habit forms a cycle that further entrenches feelings of unworthiness.
2. Feelings of Guilt
Experiencing guilt when spending time or money on oneself, even if it's for essential or beneficial things, is a common sign of self-worth issues. This guilt often comes from a belief that one doesn’t deserve to invest in oneself or that other people's needs should always come first. The chronic sense of guilt can lead to neglecting one's well-being and can be debilitating, affecting one’s ability to enjoy life fully. Overcoming this guilt requires recognizing one's inherent value and right to self-care.
3. Over-apologizing
Constantly saying sorry, especially in situations where it's unnecessary, indicates a deep-seated feeling of not wanting to occupy space or assert needs. This behavior may stem from a fear of conflict or a desire to be perceived as agreeable, but it ultimately comes from feeling undeserving of asserting one's own perspective. Over-apologizing can diminish one’s confidence and presence in personal and professional relationships. It often leads others to undervalue the over-apologizer, perpetuating a cycle of perceived unworthiness.
4. Neglecting Basic Needs
Skipping meals, not getting enough sleep, or neglecting hygiene can be indicators that one doesn’t value themselves enough to care for basic needs. Ignoring these fundamental aspects of self-care is a telltale sign that one might feel they're not worth the effort. This neglect can lead to deteriorating physical and mental health, further impacting self-esteem and reinforcing the belief in one’s unworthiness. Acknowledging the importance of these basic needs is a crucial step towards improving self-worth.
5. Poor Boundaries
People with poor boundaries often overcommit or allow others to take advantage of their time or resources. They may also struggle with standing up for themselves or feel responsible for others' emotions. Consequently, this pattern of behavior reinforces the subconscious belief that their needs and feelings are less important.
The irony is, neglecting self-care due to low self-esteem exacerbates feelings of worthlessness. By not giving oneself the necessary care and love, one further validates those negative self-beliefs. This vicious cycle can lead to more severe mental and emotional health issues, including depression and anxiety.
It's also essential to remember that self-care isn't just about pampering oneself. It encompasses essential health behaviors like eating nutritious meals, sleeping adequately, and seeking medical attention when required. Those with low self-esteem may neglect these fundamental aspects of care, jeopardizing their overall health.
Recognizing the problem is the first step. The journey to believing in one's worthiness of self-care and love can be arduous but is crucial for overall well-being and mental health. Here are some steps to start the healing process:
Affirmations: Start the day with positive affirmations. Repeating phrases like "I am worthy of love and care" can slowly change subconscious beliefs.
Seek Professional Help: Therapists or counselors can provide invaluable insights into the root causes of feelings of unworthiness and offer strategies for overcoming them.
Set Boundaries: It's essential to establish personal boundaries. This teaches others how to treat us and reinforces our own beliefs about our self-worth.
Start Small: Begin with minor acts of self-care. Over time, as comfort grows, these actions can become more significant and frequent.
Educate Yourself: Read books, attend workshops, or listen to podcasts on self-worth and self-care. Knowledge can be empowering.
Feeling unworthy of self-care is more common than we might think, and its roots often lie in subconscious beliefs shaped by past experiences. By recognizing the signs and taking active steps to embrace self-care, individuals can not only heal past wounds but also pave the way to a future of better mental health and improved self-esteem. After all, every individual, irrespective of their past, deserves love, care, and kindness.
]]>Did you know that your present beliefs and behaviors could be a repercussion of the inadequate parenting you received as a child? If you experienced a traumatic youth or simply didn’t receive the love and attention you needed, then you could end up dealing with a troubled adulthood. We don’t often think about the consequences of our upbringing, but the facts of our lives can speak volumes of behalf of our wounded child within.
Growing up without love isn’t the only reason to reparent yourself though. If you had a strong upbringing with loving parents but still feel like they could have done more, then this is for you. Nobody should live with a lack of love or purpose, even if those things have to come from within.
The lack of productive, supportive, positive parents can lead to some major issues for any adult. Sadly, those issues aren’t always linked to childhood experiences at first. That’s mainly because people tend to blame themselves for what their parents mismanaged. We often internalize our woes about the things we cannot do (or “think” we cannot do, rather). However, every habit and belief you have today reflects the girl you once were.
Therefore, reparenting yourself is the most practical way to fix personality issues, resolve trauma, and practice new habits. It provides the chance to do for yourself what your parents could not or would not do. Upon closer inspection, reparenting is merely the act of erasing bad examples and replacing them with better ones.
The fact of the matter is that many adulthood issues can be linked to what’s commonly called a “love deficit” during the formative years. Some parents neglect to show affection at key times in their child’s life, thereby causing the child to question his or her self-worth. Lacking familial structures can also impact a child negatively, especially in terms of how they view their position in the world as an adult.
Examples of issues that can develop in adulthood due to a lack of parenting in childhood are as follows:
• Detached feelings around other people
• Co-dependency
• Recurring toxic relationships
• Self-sabotaging behaviors
• Feeling unworthy of love and happiness
• Disorganization
• Frequently feeling overwhelmed
• Failure to thrive in business or personal affairs
• Nagging negative thoughts and/or emotions
"Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are."- Rachel Naomi Remen
You’re not alone in blaming yourself for all the things you can’t do or struggle to achieve. You were a blank slate when you were born, so this canvas you are today is a result of the paint used to form your personality. It’s easy to point fingers when things go wrong, but that seldom changes anything. In fact, blaming yourself is as harmful as the bad parenting you endured as a child.
Self-blame and guilt are counterproductive. If they’re left to their own devices, they will consume you. Culpability fosters doubt, which in turn promotes fear. It creates a snowball effect that makes you sink deeper into a depressive state. So, stop putting the blame where it doesn’t belong and start focusing on how to make your life better instead.
Compassion is caring about others and behaving toward them with affection, generosity, and concern. But when it comes to personal matters, we don’t always display the same empathy. We tend to be more critical of ourselves.
Start showing yourself more patience and compassion by learning how to forgive and forget. After all, holding onto those negative feelings prevents healing, closure, and relief. You cannot change how you felt about a situation or event from the past, but you can change how you feel about it and react to it today. So, free yourself from psychological punishment and give yourself the chance to feel okay.
“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
Pushing your feelings to the side is pointless and painful. That means it can be extremely hard to sit face-to-face with the agonizing pains of your past. However, that’s something that you’ll have to encounter sooner or later. If you embrace your feelings sooner, you’ll enjoy a better quality of life in the future. If you ignore how you feel today, then you could miss out on exciting opportunities for love, happiness, and growth.
We don’t always get to see how our emotions impact the world around us. Truth be told, genuine internal contentment breeds genuine external greatness. The Universe has its own way of interacting with you, your negative emotions, and other people. Therefore, ignored feelings and thoughts can attract unnecessary hardships. By accepting how you really feel and using techniques to deal with those feelings, you can let go of negativity and open yourself up to accept positivity.
There’s no such thing as a flawless human being. We all have issues, but the problem is that some people refuse to accept that about themselves. Unless they can feel or can be seen as perfect, they will continue to feel less than worthy of love. Usually, the desire to be flawless comes from the fear of rejection and that generally starts in childhood.
The only person who needs to accept who you are is you. Don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from being true to yourself because if you don’t accept “you” then who will? It may be scary at first, but wouldn’t you rather be surrounded by people who voluntarily choose you regardless of your flaws?
It’s normal to feel unworthy of love and affection when you have unhealed wounds from the past. You might have trouble keeping long-term relationships or you might allow certain behaviors that are toxic and one-sided. Creating and maintaining boundaries is also hard for a wounded inner child because they typically have no frame of reference for a happy, healthy, productive relationship.
How can someone know what love is when they’ve never experienced it before? That’s why setting limits and demanding more is so vital. In essence, you should know what love is and what a healthy connection looks like. So, learning how to give and receive it is important. You should never settle for a relationship that requires you to give more than you receive.
When we are in the depths of despair, taking care of ourselves in the least of our concerns. However, did you know that self-care should be your priority in times like this? Our minds and bodies need pampered so they can face challenges with confidence and motivation.
If you don’t give yourself adequate time to heal, then you could end up facing even more problems in the end. As troubles add up, so too does your inability to cope. After a while, the stress can lead to mental, emotional, and/or physical health problems such as anxiety, depression, and insomnia. So, spend a moment taking care of yourself and see how much more resilient you get.
Need ideas for self-care? Visit the wellbeing section of the website!
The people you spend time with matter. They serve as your anchor to the real world - a source that can help you stay grounded, motivated, and accountable. So, when you’re surrounded by negative people, you take on their counterproductive traits and begin doubting yourself. That, in turn, often brings out the wounded child within.
But when you surround yourself with positive, supportive individuals, you absorb their uplifting energies and start to heal those childhood wounds. You provide yourself with the kind of support that was needed when you were growing up. Meanwhile, you avoid toxic people that bring you down - acting as a sort of chaperone in the same way your parents could/should/would have.
Internal childhood wounds often blur the vision we have of ourselves, making it difficult for us to see why other people love us. In fact, it’s quite common for someone with past trauma or neglect to feel insecure or stuck in life. Their lack of ambitious influences and confidence prevents them from living a successful existence. Thus, they’re confused about their true identity and struggle to define it.
When you let go of the pain from your past, or if you attempt to heal the wounds created by it, you regain some of your identity. Over time, you begin to feel more secure in your environment and start to realize certain traits about yourself that were once covered by trauma. Thus, reparenting yourself means creating a new narrative that puts your mental and emotional wellbeing at centerstage.
A happy life equals a life with adequate self-control. There may have been a lack of structure in your childhood home, but that doesn’t mean it has to continue into your adulthood. There may have even been too much structure in your childhood home. The point is that ineffective parenting structures can be just as damaging as having no structure at all.
Arranging your life in a specific way helps you set goals and achieve them in a timely, efficient, and healthy manner. It also gives you space to consider different possibilities and be somewhat spontaneous in your everyday life. And by setting productive boundaries and practicing self-discipline, you can finally hope for a brighter future that’s no longer defined by your past.
Even though there are many ways to heal emotional wounds by yourself, there are deeper wounds that might be harder to heal without help. It’s perfectly normal to ask for guidance. In fact, it’s one of the most loving things you can do while reparenting your wounded inner child. After all, that child has been neglected and ignored enough.
A professional or friend can assist in many ways because of their external, objective perspectives. You can use their insights to overcome pain or search for light at the end of the tunnel together. Never be embarrassed about your past; it wasn’t your fault. You shouldn’t be paying the consequences of bad parenting, especially since you deserve so much more.
"It has been said that time heals all wounds. The truth is that time does not heal anything. It merely passes. It is what we do during the passing of time that helps or hinders the healing process."- Jay Marshall
Pain from the past can stay with someone forever. Unfortunately, too many people blame themselves for what they went through as a child. They ask, “Did I do something wrong,” or “Could I have done better” on an incessant loop in their minds. People need something or someone to blame when life goes wrong.
Our childhood wounds don’t have to eat us alive. We can become the best version of ourselves no matter who or where we are. After all, life is a journey of discovery. So, don’t let old wounds prevent you from uncovering parts of yourself that haven’t had a chance to shine yet.
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Vision boards, often underestimated, are powerful tools that encapsulate our deepest desires and ambitions. They serve as tangible reminders of our dreams, bridging the gap between imagination and realization. By crafting a tangible representation of our dreams, we foster clarity and purpose in our life's journey. The process of creating these boards is not just a creative outlet, but an act of introspection to actively shape your future.
1. Visualization
Visualization is a potent mental exercise, and vision boards are its tangible expression. When you visualize, your brain works tirelessly to achieve what it ‘sees,’ inherently adopting a proactive and constructive mindset. By curating images, quotes, and symbols that resonate with your aspirations on a vision board, you stimulate and reinforce your visualizations.
2. The Power of Focus
Creating a vision board demands clarity and focus on your life goals. During its creation process, you're compelled to introspect and crystallize what truly matters to you, filtering out the ambient noise of everyday life. This heightened focus sharpens your consciousness, subtly guiding your daily choices and actions towards your visualized goals.
3. Staying Motivated
Life’s journey is fraught with challenges and distractions that can derail your personal development trajectory. A vision board serves as a constant reminder of your dreams and purpose, acting as a motivational anchor. Every glance at your board reignites your drive, energizing you to persist and overcome obstacles.
4. Visual Learning and Retention
When you see representations of your aspirations daily, these images gradually embed themselves deeply into your subconscious mind. This subconscious imprinting subtly but effectively begins to influence your thoughts, actions, and behaviors in a positive manner, steering you unknowingly yet assuredly towards the realization of your dreams.
5. Accountability
A vision board operates as a personal contract with yourself, documenting your commitments and aspirations clearly and visually. By crafting this vivid representation of your future, you're making a tangible pledge to the goals and dreams outlined on the board. Each image, quote, and symbol you affix to your board isn’t merely decorative; it’s a visual oath, a reminder of the promises made to yourself about the life you aim to lead and the personal milestones you wish to achieve.
To assist you in manifesting your dreams most effectively, we've handpicked a list of exceptional vision board kits. Each of these selections is designed to inspire, guide and provide you with the materials you need to create a compelling, personal visual representation of your aspirations.
Daily Dopamine Vision Board Kit
This kit includes 150 hand-picked aesthetic pictures and motivational quote cards to inspire and set intentions for your goals. With a clean and sleek 10" x 14" foldable board (20" x 14" when opened), no mess or extra tools are needed. Simply choose your favorite cards and use the double-sided adhesives provided to stick them on the board.
With a curated selection of 800+ hand-picked images, this book is designed to inspire and ignite your aspirations. This vision board kit provides a convenient, easy-tear design with a plethora of inspiring images, making it an essential clipart book to have on hand.
Vision Board Kit “Dear Future Self”
This complete manifestation kit includes 24 task cards, a meticulously crafted workbook, a captivating vision board poster, and 30 double-sided cards featuring inspiring images and quotes—everything essential to manifest your dreams.
Free Period Press Vision Board Book
Each page in this vision board planner is meticulously designed around specific color palettes, making your boards beautifully cohesive. You’ll find easy-tear, perforated pages covering all major life “buckets” in this vision board kit – from food and finances to mindfulness and home. So you can personalize your board and write your own inspirational story.
Lamare Vision Board: Designed for Black Women
A vision board book crafted for black women with over 800 hand-picked images. With all the images you need in one place, covering various life areas, it's a complete vision board images kit and vision board supplies designed to save you both time and money.
Self Imagined Vision Board Kit
The kit includes a foldable tri-fold board with 27 card slots, and 200 double-sided cards featuring high-resolution images, affirmations, and quotes. It also includes a booklet with workbook exercises for self-awareness and positive mindset growth, covering gratitude journaling, life goal reflections, action plans, and strategies to overcome limiting beliefs. The booklet's second part has a three month undated planner with monthly reflection pages and a habit tracker to track progress of tasks, goals, and habits.
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Self-loathing is a profound, often concealed emotion with devastating effects on mental well-being. It is more than just occasional self-doubt or criticism; it's a deep-seated feeling of unworthiness and intense dislike towards oneself. Such feelings can inhibit one's ability to enjoy life, form healthy relationships, and achieve personal goals. The roots of this emotion can be varied and complex, intertwining with past experiences, societal expectations, and even current life challenges. Overcoming self-loathing is not a linear process, but with dedication, support, and strategy, one can find a path to self-compassion.
Understanding the origins of self-loathing is vital for effective healing. Here are key contributing factors:
Childhood Traumas: Often, the roots trace back to early life. Childhood traumas, be it neglect, emotional abuse, or adverse experiences, can implant feelings of unworthiness. When these traumas are internalized, they shape a child's perception of themselves, leading to long-term self-loathing in adulthood.
Bullying: For many, school years aren't just about learning and play. Experiencing bullying can leave deep-seated emotional scars. Being a constant target for ridicule, exclusion, or physical harm can foster a distorted self-image and a persistent sense of being "less than" others.
Perceived Failures: Life comes with its share of ups and downs. Personal setbacks, whether in academic endeavors, careers, or relationships, can significantly dent one's self-esteem. When individuals attribute these setbacks solely to their inadequacy rather than external factors or simple misfortune, the seeds of self-loathing are sown.
Societal Pressures: Living in a digital age means constant exposure to others' successes and highlights. Social media platforms, while connecting the world, also amplify societal standards and expectations. The perpetual onslaught of filtered realities can create feelings of falling short, leading to amplified feelings of inadequacy.
By recognizing these sources, one can:
Address Root Causes: Identifying the underlying causes provides a clearer roadmap to healing. With this knowledge, one can seek specific therapeutic approaches or coping mechanisms tailored to their experiences.
Identify and Avoid Triggers: Awareness of what exacerbates self-loathing feelings allows for proactive avoidance or preparation. This could mean limiting exposure to specific social media platforms or seeking support when revisiting traumatic memories.
Exploring these origins often requires deep introspection, and it's okay to seek external guidance. Professional counselors or support groups can offer invaluable insights and coping strategies during this journey. Engaging with a therapist or counselor offers an invaluable external perspective. Professionals guide through cognitive-behavioral techniques to challenge and replace self-deprecating thoughts. They provide coping mechanisms tailored to individual needs. Therapy offers structure and clarity. Consider group therapy for shared experiences. A professional’s expertise can catalyze recovery.
Treat yourself as you would a dear friend. Dr. Kristin Neff suggests self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Daily affirmations can solidify these values in your routine. Be gentle, understanding your flaws and strengths. Recognize that all humans face challenges. Embrace feelings without letting them consume you.
When self-loathing thoughts arise, question their accuracy. Consider other perspectives or positive attributes about yourself. Remember past achievements and compliments received. Understand that one negative thought doesn't encompass your entire being. Reframing your perspective can drastically alter your mindset. Be vigilant against negative thought spirals.
Your environment profoundly affects your mental state. Engage with uplifting individuals and limit interactions with negativity. This includes friends, family, or supportive communities. Uplifting conversations and activities can elevate mood. Choose your surroundings wisely. Prioritize nurturing relationships.
Daily self-care reinforces self-worth. Activities range from physical, like exercise, to mental, like reading, and emotional, like hobbies. Allocate time for self-reflection. Even brief moments of self-care can compound into significant positive impact over time. Personal wellness is paramount. Stay consistent and prioritize yourself.
Strive for excellence, not perfection. Understand that making mistakes is human. Focus on progress, not perfection. Personal growth is a journey, not a destination. Celebrate progress, no matter how small. Avoid setting yourself up for unnecessary disappointments.
Even minor accomplishments can boost self-perception. Celebrate these moments as proof of your capability. Keeping a success journal can serve as a reminder during challenges. Each win, small or large, contributes to building self-esteem. Find joy in personal achievements. Recognize your efforts and strengths.
In the digital age, comparison traps are ubiquitous. Everyone has struggles, often hidden online. Focus on your unique journey and growth. Remember, each person's path is different. Avoid measuring your worth by others' highlights. Find contentment in your progress.
Focusing on gratitude can shift perspectives. This could involve a daily gratitude journal. Actively seeking out life's positives can counteract negative thought patterns. Gratitude grounds you in the present moment. Celebrate what you have, not what you lack. It's a transformative, daily practice.
Sharing feelings can diminish self-loathing’s power. Trusting friends, family, or support groups can offer comfort. Human connection can provide solace and perspective. Everyone needs support sometimes. Open conversations can lead to shared healing. Let others in during challenging times.
Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect. Limit time on social media, say 'no' when needed, and distance from toxic influences. Asserting your needs is essential. Boundaries protect your mental and emotional space. Ensure others respect your boundaries. Recognize your limits and stay true to them.
Conclusion
Overcoming self-loathing is a journey requiring persistence, self-reflection, and often professional assistance. Remember, it's okay to seek help. With time and effort, self-loathing can transform into self-love, leading to a more fulfilling life.
]]>In the cyclical dance of life, we inevitably find ourselves traversing the colder, darker periods of existence, a phenomenon we may affectionately term as the "wintering of the soul." Much like the physical season of winter, it represents a time of introspection, where one may feel a greater sense of solitude or melancholy. But it's also a time ripe with potential for personal growth, rejuvenation, and a deepened understanding of oneself. Here, we explore ways to transform this seemingly barren season into a period of nurturing tranquility and warm inner light.
Much as the natural world falls into a quiet hush during the winter months, the wintering of the soul often brings with it a quietude that we are not accustomed to. Instead of resisting this silence, welcome it. Allow it to become a canvas upon which you can paint vivid images of your dreams, aspirations, and reflections. This silent sanctuary can be a fertile ground for fostering creativity and gathering wisdom from the quiet whispers of your inner self. Embrace this opportunity to unplug from the external noise and connect deeply with your inner essence.
Isolation can be a common experience during this period. To counteract this, reach out to loved ones, foster connections, and cultivate warmth through community engagements. You may find that volunteering, joining social groups, or simply spending time with friends and family can bring a comforting heat to the cold days of soul wintering. Sharing stories, laughter, and creating cherished memories with others can ignite a spark of joy and camaraderie, creating a buffer against the chill that often accompanies this season.
Sometimes, the gloominess of the season can pervade our spirits. To create your own sunshine, indulge in activities that ignite joy and passion within you. Be it painting, writing, cooking, or dancing, these activities serve as a beacon of light, guiding you through the darker periods with grace and ease. Remember, it’s in these moments of creativity and flow that you can rediscover a childlike wonder and zest for life, making the wintering of your soul a transformative and vibrant experience.
Your physical well-being is intrinsically linked to your mental state. During the wintering of the soul, prioritize self-care by nourishing your body with balanced meals, engaging in regular physical activity, and getting adequate rest. Consider adopting practices such as yoga or Tai Chi, which not only enhance physical health but also promote mental tranquility. A rejuvenated body can serve as a sanctuary of warmth and strength, helping you navigate the wintering of the soul with resilience and grace.
It's perfectly alright to seek professional help during this time. A therapist or counselor can provide you with strategies and tools to navigate through the wintering of the soul more smoothly. Sometimes, having someone to talk to can be a source of great comfort and healing. Opening up about your experiences can often bring new perspectives and insights, helping you to navigate this season with a clearer and calmer mind.
Even in its dormant state, nature holds profound beauty and wisdom. Spend time outdoors, absorbing the serene beauty of the winter landscape. This could be a refreshing walk in the park or simply sitting by a window, witnessing the world in its hushed state. Nature has a unique way of soothing the soul, providing a perspective that can be both grounding and uplifting. The quietude of nature can serve as a gentle reminder of the cyclicality of life, encouraging you to embrace the rhythms of your own being.
Utilize this time to work on personal growth. Perhaps there's a skill you've wanted to learn or a hobby you've wished to take up. The quietude of the season offers a perfect opportunity to focus on self-improvement, turning the inward journey into a pathway of enlightenment and progression. Setting small, achievable goals during this period can foster a sense of accomplishment, gradually building momentum for greater ventures as the season evolves.
In many traditions, winter is seen as a time of spiritual reflection. Engage in practices that resonate with you, be it prayer, meditation, or reading spiritual texts. This season offers a sacred space to reconnect with your spiritual essence, to question, seek, and perhaps find answers that elude you in the bustling days of spring and summer. Embrace this time as a precious opportunity to deepen your spiritual understanding and cultivate a richer inner life.
During this period, it's crucial to find and celebrate small joys. It could be the warmth of a cup of tea, the soft glow of a candle, or the coziness of a blanket. Relishing these simple pleasures can infuse your days with a gentle, nurturing happiness, making the wintering of the soul a more pleasant experience. Taking time to savor these moments fully can foster a sense of gratitude and wonder, helping to illuminate the darker corners of this season with soft, golden hues.
While immersed in the wintering of the soul, remember that this is a transitional phase. Like the physical winter, it prepares the ground for the vibrant blossoming of spring. Use this time to plan for the future, setting goals and laying the groundwork for the vibrant days ahead. As you envision the blossoming that awaits, allow yourself to dream big, planting the seeds of hope and anticipation for the vibrant resurgence that lies on the horizon.
The wintering of the soul, although perceived as a bleak period, holds within it the seeds of transformation and growth. By embracing the silence, cultivating inner warmth, nurturing your body, and engaging in personal growth, you can transform this time into a season of healing and rejuvenation. As you navigate this inner landscape, remember to be gentle with yourself, to find joy in the simple pleasures, and to foster a sense of hope and optimism for the blossoming that awaits you in the future seasons of your life journey.
By transforming your perspective and adopting practices that nourish both body and spirit, the wintering of the soul can metamorphose from a time of darkness into a period of gentle, nurturing light, preparing you for the vibrant resurgence that lies ahead. Let us approach this season with a sense of reverence and wonder, fully embracing the hidden beauties and profound lessons it offers.
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In the pursuit of maintaining a sound mental and emotional state, it is essential to express our feelings and experiences to our confidants, be they friends, family, or therapists. Venting, in particular, serves as a potent tool in alleviating emotional burdens, fostering connection, and gaining new perspectives on challenging situations. However, sometimes we may find ourselves crossing the delicate boundary between healthy venting and over-venting. Understanding the difference can aid in fostering more meaningful and nurturing relationships, as well as promoting personal growth. Here, we will explore the signs of over-venting and tips on how to maintain a healthy balance.
Over-venting is the excessive expression of negative feelings, experiences, or frustrations, often recurrently about the same issue. It can sometimes transform from a cathartic exercise to a habit that potentially amplifies negativity, fostering a sense of chronic dissatisfaction or fostering codependent relationships. Recognizing the signs of over-venting is the first step towards achieving a balanced emotional landscape.
1. Repetitive Narratives
One of the hallmark signs of over-venting is repetitive narratives. If you find yourself discussing the same issues repeatedly without making any progress or finding solutions, it might be an indication of over-venting. This cyclical pattern can not only drain your energy but can also hinder your ability to approach situations with a fresh, constructive perspective. Therefore, it's important to be mindful and take steps to break out of this repetitive cycle.
2. Heightened Emotional State
Over-venting often leads to an escalated emotional state rather than providing relief. You might notice an increase in anxiety, anger, or frustration as you vent excessively. In the long run, it might cultivate a heightened state of emotional sensitivity, making it difficult to navigate everyday challenges with calmness and composure. Keeping a check on your emotional thermostat during such moments can be a sign of personal growth.
3. Strained Relationships
When you vent too much, it can put a strain on your relationships. Friends or family members might start to withdraw, feel burdened, or find it challenging to engage with you in a positive manner. This strain can sometimes manifest in passive-aggressive behaviors or a notable decrease in communication frequency. Thus, it's crucial to notice the reactions of your listeners and adapt your approach accordingly.
4. Neglecting Positive Aspects
A clear sign of over-venting is the inability to recognize or appreciate the positive aspects of your life. If your conversations are predominantly negative and leave little room for positive discussions, it could be a red flag. By consciously steering your focus towards the good aspects in your life, you foster a healthier mindset and create a space for joy and gratitude amidst challenges.
5. Lack of Problem-Solving
Healthy venting usually leads to problem-solving or finding ways to cope with the situation. Over-venting, on the other hand, might involve an incessant focus on the problem without moving towards a resolution. This can stagnate your personal growth and development. Therefore, it is vital to shift the narrative from mere venting to constructive problem-solving.
Understanding that you might be over-venting is a significant realization, a moment of personal insight that can herald the beginning of deeper self-awareness. Here are some tips to help you avoid falling into the over-venting trap, thereby fostering healthier communication dynamics:
Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your feelings and the root causes of your frustrations. Try to identify patterns in your venting behavior and work on addressing the underlying issues. Additionally, journaling your feelings can be an effective way to track your emotional patterns and develop insights into triggers that might be leading to over-venting.
Seek Therapy: If you find yourself constantly needing to vent, it might be beneficial to consult a therapist. They can help you explore your feelings in depth and develop strategies to manage them more effectively. Therapy can be a safe space where you can learn to navigate your emotions with skill and resilience, fostering a more balanced outlook on life.
Develop Coping Strategies: Identify and implement coping strategies such as mindfulness, meditation, or physical activity to help you manage your emotional state more effectively. Consider exploring hobbies that allow for creative expression, which can serve as a wonderful outlet to channel your emotions constructively.
Foster Balanced Conversations: Ensure that your conversations are not solely focused on venting. Make an effort to engage in balanced discussions that also involve positive experiences and topics. This could include sharing good news, discussing interesting books or movies, or simply enjoying light-hearted banter that helps to lift the mood.
Set Boundaries: Learn to set boundaries for yourself when it comes to venting. It might involve limiting the time you spend venting or consciously deciding to discuss other topics. Setting a personal timer or having a trusted friend signal when the conversation is becoming too vent-focused can be practical steps in maintaining these boundaries.
By adopting these strategies, you encourage a healthier flow of communication, where venting has its place but does not dominate your interactions, leading to a more harmonious and positive social environment.
Recognizing and addressing the tendency to over-vent is a vital component of fostering healthy relationships and personal well-being. By identifying the signs of over-venting and implementing strategies to avoid it, you can cultivate a more balanced emotional life. Remember, the goal is not to suppress your feelings but to express them in a way that promotes growth, understanding, and positive interactions.
Remember, it’s all about striking the right balance. Venting can be a powerful tool for emotional release and clarity, but like any tool, it should be used with wisdom and discernment. Always strive to nurture a communicative environment that is respectful, empathetic, and conducive to growth and harmony, both for yourself and those around you.
]]>We often find ourselves gauged and valued based on our levels of productivity, achievements, and economic worth. This phenomenon isn't just a systematic issue but an internal conflict manifesting in numerous individuals, a conflict termed as internalized capitalism. It is a by-product of a world that unconsciously instills capitalist values in its inhabitants, leading them to adopt harmful beliefs about work, success, and self-worth. In this light, understanding internalized capitalism and learning how to recover from it becomes an essential aspect of personal growth.
In the journey towards personal growth, the first crucial step is recognizing the deeply ingrained patterns of internalized capitalism that pervade our daily lives. These manifestations can be subtle, yet their impacts are far-reaching, often influencing our well-being, relationships, and perceptions of self-worth. By delving deeper into the signs of internalized capitalism, we can foster awareness and pave the path for recovery and transformation. Here, we unravel the various dimensions of this phenomenon:
1. Perpetual Hustle Culture
In the modern world, the relentless pursuit of achievement seems to have become the norm. This sign of internalized capitalism is characterized by a perpetual feeling that one must be constantly working, achieving, or hustling to stay ahead in the ‘race’. It instills a deep-seated fear of falling behind, leading to an unsustainable cycle of overwork and burnout. One may find themselves sacrificing leisure, hobbies, and rest in the pursuit of ever-elusive success.
2. Guilt During Rest
A particularly insidious aspect of internalized capitalism is the persistent guilt that accompanies periods of rest. Individuals often find it challenging to fully relax without being haunted by the thought of pending tasks or opportunities for advancement. This guilt can rob the joy and rejuvenation that comes with taking breaks, leaving one feeling drained even during periods of 'rest'.
3. Self-Worth Tied to Productivity
Perhaps one of the most damaging consequences of internalized capitalism is the tendency to equate one's worth with levels of productivity or economic contributions. This sign manifests as a relentless drive to accomplish more, often at the expense of personal well-being and happiness. It fosters a culture where individuals value themselves based on their achievements, overlooking the intrinsic worth that lies beyond productivity.
4. Fear of Appearing Lazy
This facet of internalized capitalism nurtures a profound fear of being perceived as lazy or unmotivated. It compels individuals to overextend themselves, undertaking more responsibilities and tasks than they can manage sustainably. Over time, this fear can foster anxiety and stress, as individuals grapple with the pressure to constantly prove their worth and diligence.
5. Work-Life Imbalance
Internalized capitalism often blurs the lines between professional and personal life, fostering a work-life imbalance that can lead to compromised relationships and personal well-being. Individuals may find it challenging to switch off from work, bringing job-related stress into their personal spaces. This imbalance not only affects one's mental health but can also strain relationships with family and friends.
6. Ignoring Physical and Mental Health
A concerning manifestation of internalized capitalism is the neglect of self-care, rest, and leisure, perceived as non-productive pursuits. Individuals may push their physical and mental health to the backburner, prioritizing work and achievements over well-being. This negligence can have adverse effects on one's health in the long run, fostering a lifestyle that is not conducive to holistic growth and happiness.
Recovering from internalized capitalism is akin to embarking on a journey of self-discovery and holistic growth. Here is a comprehensive guide to facilitate this transformative journey:
1. Self-Reflection and Awareness
Recognizing these signs in our lives is a critical step towards healing and personal growth. It calls for a conscious effort to scrutinize our daily habits, work patterns, and attitudes towards success and productivity. By fostering awareness of these signs, we empower ourselves to challenge and transform the deeply ingrained beliefs that perpetuate the cycle of internalized capitalism.
2. Redefining Success
Understand that success is not a one-size-fits-all term. It can encompass various aspects including personal happiness, mental well-being, healthy relationships, and the pursuit of hobbies and interests. It is vital to redefine success on your terms, detached from societal pressures and norms.
3. Embracing Imperfection
Recognize that it's perfectly normal to have off days, make mistakes, and not meet societal expectations of productivity and success. Accepting and embracing your imperfections can be a powerful antidote to internalized capitalism.
4. Creating Boundaries
Work on establishing clear boundaries between your work and personal life. This could mean strictly adhering to working hours, taking regular breaks, and safeguarding time for rest and relaxation without feeling guilty.
5. Mindfulness and Meditation
Incorporating mindfulness practices can aid in slowing down, allowing you to be present in the moment, and shedding the compulsive need to constantly be 'doing'. Meditation can be a great tool in grounding your mind and detaching from the relentless race of capitalism.
Engage in hobbies and interests that are not linked to productivity or monetary gain but purely for joy and personal fulfillment. This helps in reconnecting with your authentic self and stepping away from the vicious cycle of internalized capitalism.
7. Nature Connection
Make time to reconnect with nature. Immersing yourself in natural surroundings can be a healing experience, offering a perspective beyond the consumeristic and productivity-centered mindset.
8. Developing a Holistic Self-Care Routine
Develop a self-care routine that nurtures your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This could include activities like yoga, reading, journaling, or simply indulging in leisurely activities without any associated guilt.
Internalized capitalism can obscure our true self-worth, fostering a relentless pursuit of productivity at the expense of our well-being. Breaking free from its grip requires a conscious effort to redefine personal success and value beyond economic contributions. As we endeavor to recover from internalized capitalism, we cultivate a life that embraces authenticity, community connection, and holistic happiness. Let us begin this transformative journey today, fostering a society that values every individual for who they are, not just for what they produce.
]]>Toxic femininity is a concept that has gained prominence in recent years as conversations about gender roles, stereotypes, and expectations have evolved. Much like toxic masculinity, toxic femininity refers to the harmful and restrictive behaviors, beliefs, and attitudes that society imposes on individuals based on their gender, in this case, women. In this article, we will explore the nuances of toxic femininity, its origins, and its impact on women's lives.
Toxic femininity encompasses a range of socially constructed expectations and behaviors that can be detrimental to women's well-being and personal growth. These expectations often revolve around traditional gender roles and stereotypes, such as the idea that women should be submissive, nurturing, and always prioritize the needs of others over their own. Toxic femininity can manifest in various ways, including:
Emotional Suppression: One of the key aspects of toxic femininity is the suppression of emotions. Women are often told to be polite, soft-spoken, and accommodating, which can lead to the repression of their feelings and needs.
Dependency: Toxic femininity can encourage women to be overly dependent on others, particularly men, for financial, emotional, or social support. This dependence can limit their independence and self-sufficiency.
Appearance Obsession: Women are frequently pressured to conform to unrealistic beauty standards, leading to body dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, and, in some cases, eating disorders and other mental health issues.
Passivity and Submissiveness: Women are expected to be passive and submissive, yielding to the desires and decisions of others. This can prevent them from asserting themselves or pursuing their goals.
Nurturing at All Costs: The expectation that women should be natural caregivers and prioritize the needs of others often results in women neglecting their own well-being.
Competitiveness Among Women: Toxic femininity can foster unhealthy competition among women, as they may feel compelled to compete for male attention, validation, or societal approval.
Toxic femininity, like toxic masculinity, is rooted in historical and cultural norms that have evolved over centuries. These norms have been perpetuated through various social institutions, media, and interpersonal relationships. Some of the factors contributing to the perpetuation of toxic femininity include:
Patriarchy: The patriarchal social structure has long reinforced traditional gender roles and expectations. Men were traditionally seen as the dominant gender, while women were relegated to subordinate roles, leading to the emergence of toxic femininity as a means of maintaining this power dynamic.
Media and Pop Culture: The media has played a significant role in promoting harmful stereotypes and ideals of femininity. Women are often depicted as overly emotional, overly sexualized, and lacking agency, which reinforces toxic femininity.
Religion and Tradition: Many religious and cultural traditions uphold gender-specific roles and behaviors that contribute to the perpetuation of toxic femininity. These traditions often dictate how women should behave within their communities.
While toxic femininity primarily affects women, it's important to recognize that it can also have indirect consequences on men. Toxic femininity perpetuates harmful gender stereotypes and expectations that can shape men's beliefs and behaviors. Here's a closer look at how toxic femininity can impact men:
Reinforcement of Toxic Masculinity: Toxic femininity often goes hand-in-hand with toxic masculinity, reinforcing the rigid gender binary. When women are expected to be passive, emotional, and dependent, men are simultaneously expected to be dominant, emotionally stoic, and independent. This pressure on men to conform to these stereotypes can lead to emotional repression and hinder their ability to express vulnerability or seek help when needed.
Impact on Relationships: Toxic femininity can impact the dynamics of heterosexual relationships. When women feel pressured to be overly nurturing and accommodating, it can create imbalances in relationships. Men may struggle with understanding their partner's needs and emotions if their female partners suppress their authentic feelings due to societal expectations. This can lead to misunderstandings and communication issues.
Role Expectations: Men may also feel the weight of expectations associated with toxic femininity. For instance, they may feel compelled to be the primary breadwinners or protectors in a relationship, even if these roles do not align with their personal aspirations or abilities. This can lead to stress, dissatisfaction, and feelings of inadequacy.
Lack of Emotional Expression: Toxic femininity can discourage emotional expression in men as well. They may fear being perceived as weak or unmasculine if they express vulnerability or seek emotional support, which can hinder their mental health and interpersonal relationships.
Limiting Authenticity: Just as women may feel pressured to conform to certain behaviors, men can also experience a sense of inauthenticity if they suppress parts of their personality that do not align with traditional gender roles. This can hinder personal growth and self-acceptance.
The effects of toxic femininity on women can be profound and wide-ranging, affecting various aspects of their lives, including their mental and emotional well-being, relationships, career aspirations, and overall self-esteem. Here are some of the key ways in which toxic femininity impacts women:
Mental Health: The pressure to conform to societal expectations can lead to anxiety, depression, and feelings of inadequacy among women. The constant need to be perfect in all aspects of life can take a toll on their mental health.
Self-Esteem: Constantly striving to meet unrealistic standards of beauty and behavior can result in low self-esteem and body image issues. Women may feel unworthy or ashamed of themselves.
Relationships: Toxic femininity can affect women's relationships by encouraging codependency, passivity, and the suppression of their own desires and needs. This can lead to unhealthy relationships and difficulty in setting boundaries.
Career and Ambitions: Women may be discouraged from pursuing ambitious career goals or leadership positions due to societal expectations that prioritize homemaking and caregiving over professional success.
Repression of Authenticity: Women may feel pressured to hide their true selves, interests, and passions to fit into the mold of what society expects from them, leading to a lack of fulfillment and authenticity.
Breaking free from the grasp of toxic femininity, a phenomenon where certain negative characteristics are encouraged or normalized in women, necessitates a multifaceted approach involving personal growth and societal evolution. This process should ideally involve fostering awareness, encouraging self-acceptance, and driving meaningful change in societal expectations and norms. Below, we delineate several proactive steps that both individuals and society at large can undertake to identify, challenge, and ultimately dismantle the elements of toxic femininity:
Educate and Raise Awareness: In the first step towards a more inclusive society, it is crucial to develop programs and initiatives that promote education and awareness regarding the manifestations of toxic femininity. This includes creating platforms for open dialogue where individuals can discuss and dissect the harmful expectations and behaviors that are often associated with this phenomenon. Through awareness, it becomes easier to recognize these detrimental traits and actively work against them.
Encourage Authenticity: Encouraging authenticity is a pivotal step in this journey. Support systems should be established to help women nurture and express their genuine selves, unburdened by societal expectations. This means fostering environments where they can pursue their interests, passions, and ambitions unabashedly, even if they defy conventional norms.
Challenge Gender Stereotypes: To further the cause, it is essential to advocate for gender equality vehemently. This involves challenging and deconstructing the deep-seated gender roles and stereotypes that perpetuate toxic femininity. Creating awareness campaigns and educational programs that foster critical thinking about gender dynamics can be instrumental in this regard.
Promote Self-Care: An often overlooked yet vital aspect of dismantling toxic femininity involves encouraging women to prioritize their self-care and mental well-being. This can be achieved by emphasizing the critical importance of setting healthy boundaries and practicing self-compassion, which allows them to nurture their mental and emotional health, thus equipping them to combat the adverse effects of toxic femininity.
Foster Empowerment: At the heart of this initiative should be a drive to foster empowerment amongst women. This involves creating avenues for them to pursue their goals and aspirations without fear of judgment or backlash. Encouraging women to assume leadership roles, not only in their professional spheres but also in personal domains, can challenge and change the status quo. Empowerment workshops and mentorship programs can be instrumental in cultivating a generation of women who are resilient and assertive.
By adopting a concerted approach that combines education, advocacy, and support, it is possible to break the chains of toxic femininity. Through collective efforts, we can usher in an era where women are celebrated for their authenticity, complexity, and individuality, paving the way for a more inclusive and egalitarian society.
Understanding and addressing toxic femininity is a critical component in the broader discourse on gender dynamics. By exploring this concept, we can foster personal growth and build healthier relationships that break free from the shackles of traditional gender roles. Let us commit to nurturing a society that embraces the full spectrum of human experience, transcending the limitations of gender stereotypes and fostering a culture of respect, equality, and inclusivity.
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In a dynamic world where change is the only constant, we too, are ever-evolving, adapting and growing. Anais Nin, a writer famed for her introspective depth, captures this poignant moment of transformation with remarkable clarity in her quote, "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." This phrase not only represents a shift in perception but also embodies a profound metaphor for the human journey towards self-discovery and growth. Let us delve deep into the essence of this quote and unravel the inspiring message it holds for each one of us.
Before we proceed to unravel the layers of meaning embedded in this quote, it is vital to understand what the 'bud phase' signifies. Like a flower that starts as a bud, tightly holding all its potential within, we often find ourselves encapsulated within the comfort zones of our lives. The bud phase is characterized by a protective shell, a cocoon that shields us from the unpredictable and often, harsh realities of the world. While this phase provides safety, it also restricts expansion, stifling the innate desire to explore, learn, and grow.
Just as a bud cannot remain a bud forever, there comes a point in our lives where the urge to break free from the confines of our self-imposed boundaries becomes a necessity rather than a choice. This is a crucial juncture, a moment of reckoning where the pain of remaining stagnant surpasses the fear of embracing the unknown.
The turning point, as depicted in Nin's quote, is a day of awakening. It is a realization that emanates from a deep-seated discomfort, a yearning to stretch beyond the limitations that have held us back. The ‘day’ Nin refers to is not merely a moment in time but a period of conscious awareness where one recognizes the suffocating confines of the bud. It symbolizes a shift from fear-based choices to ones driven by courage and a longing for growth.
This turning point nudges us to take a chance, to brave the uncertainties that lie ahead, and to forge a path that leads to personal growth and self-fulfillment. It is an invitation to let go of the shackles that have bound us, to allow ourselves to unfurl, expand, and blossom into the best versions of ourselves.
Embracing the blossom is an act of courage. It demands that we let go of the familiar and step into a realm of endless possibilities. As we begin to blossom, we open ourselves up to new experiences, learning, and opportunities that can enrich our lives in myriad ways.
Blossoming is a continuous process, a journey where each step brings a new revelation, a fresh perspective that enables us to navigate through life with wisdom and grace. It is about fostering resilience, cultivating a mindset that embraces change, and nurturing a spirit that is open to exploration and discovery.
Personal growth is a voyage that takes us through various phases of evolution. It is about recognizing our potential, honing our skills, and striving to be the best versions of ourselves. This journey is marked by moments of joy and sorrow, success and failure, but through it all, it offers an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to transform.
On this path of personal growth, we become students of life, constantly learning and adapting to the ever-changing landscapes of our existence. It encourages us to cultivate qualities such as compassion, empathy, and patience, fostering a deeper connection with ourselves and the world around us.
Through personal growth, we begin to see life through a lens of positivity and hope, learning to appreciate the beauty in each moment and the lessons that life has to offer. It is a process that empowers us to become agents of change, inspiring others to embark on their own journeys of self-discovery and growth.
In conclusion, the beautiful phrase from Anais Nin serves as a powerful reminder of the transformative journey that lies at the heart of personal growth. It beckons us to step out of our comfort zones, to shed the layers of fear and doubt that have held us back, and to embrace the beautiful, unfolding journey of blossoming into our true selves.
As we stand at the cusp of change, let us remember that the journey of personal growth is a sacred one, marked by moments of vulnerability and strength, of letting go and embracing anew. Let us welcome the risk of blossoming, for it is through this process that we discover the depth of our potential, the richness of our lives, and the joy of becoming who we were always meant to be.
In the wise words of Anais Nin, let us seize the day where the pain of remaining tight in a bud becomes a catalyst for growth, propelling us forward into a future filled with blossoms of hope, dreams fulfilled, and a life lived in vibrant hues of joy and fulfillment.
Let us, therefore, embark on this beautiful journey with open hearts and minds, ready to embrace the magnificent blossom that awaits each one of us. Through courage, determination, and a spirit of exploration, let us forge a path that leads to a lifetime of learning, growth, and personal fulfillment.
Remember, the day to blossom is today, and the journey to personal growth is a voyage worth embarking on.
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In a world brimming with challenges and unprecedented changes, it becomes rather tempting for many to slide into the folds of a victim mentality – a mindset that traps individuals into believing they are the constant victims of external circumstances, unable to exert control over their lives. This mentality often leads to a cycle of negativity, stagnancy, and disillusionment. However, fostering personal growth and wellness necessitates breaking free from this imprisoning mindset. Let's delve deeper into understanding the victim mentality and exploring pathways to transcend it.
UNDERSTANDING THE VICTIM MENTALITY
The victim mentality is a pervasive psychological stance where individuals perceive themselves as the victims of the actions, intentions, or negligence of others. It is characterized by several distinct features:
Externalization of Blame: Individuals with a victim mentality frequently blame external circumstances or people for their problems instead of taking personal responsibility.
Pessimism: They often harbour a pessimistic outlook on life, anticipating failure and disappointment.
Helplessness: They feel helpless, believing that they lack the power or resources to change their circumstances.
Reluctance to Self-Reflect: There is a marked avoidance of self-reflection and an unwillingness to acknowledge one's role in the creation or perpetuation of their issues.
Chronic Complaining: Individuals with this mentality are often found complaining about their misfortunes, unable to see the opportunities for growth in challenges.
THE IMPACT ON WELLNESS
The victim mentality can have a significant and lasting impact on an individual's overall wellness. It fosters a cycle of negativity, affecting both mental and physical health:
Mental Health: It can lead to increased levels of stress, anxiety, and depression, as individuals feel trapped in their perceived misfortunes.
Physical Health: Chronic stress and negativity can manifest physically, leading to a host of health problems, including heart disease and weakened immune system.
Relationships: This mentality can strain relationships, as it creates a barrier to constructive communication and mutual understanding.
Personal Growth: It hampers personal growth by preventing individuals from learning from their experiences and evolving.
TRANSCENDING THE VICTIM MENTALITY
Breaking free from the victim mentality is essential for fostering personal growth and achieving a state of holistic wellness. Here are several strategies to transcend this detrimental mindset:
Self-Reflection: Begin with a deep and honest reflection of your beliefs and behaviours. Acknowledge areas where you might be perpetuating a victim mentality.
Taking Responsibility: Learn to take responsibility for your actions and their outcomes. Understand that you have the power to influence your circumstances.
Seeking Therapy: If you find it challenging to break free from this mindset, consider seeking professional help to work through underlying issues.
Developing Resilience: Foster resilience by learning to bounce back from setbacks with a positive and proactive approach.
Practicing Gratitude: Cultivate a habit of gratitude. Focus on the positive aspects of your life and appreciate the good things, however small.
Mindfulness and Meditation: Engage in mindfulness practices and meditation to develop a balanced perspective on life, rooted in the present moment.
CULTIVATING A GROWTH MINDSET
It is vital to cultivate a growth mindset, which stands as the antithesis to the victim mentality. A growth mindset encourages individuals to:
Embrace Challenges: View challenges as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles.
Learn Continuously: Be open to learning and developing new skills and knowledge.
Adopt a Positive Outlook: Maintain a positive outlook on life, focusing on possibilities and potential.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind and compassionate to yourself, recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and experiences setbacks.
CONCLUSION
Embarking on a journey to break free from the victim mentality is a significant step towards achieving personal growth and wellness. It involves a conscious decision to relinquish old patterns of thinking and adopting a more empowered and proactive approach to life. Remember, you are not merely a passive recipient of life's circumstances; you have the innate power to shape your destiny.
As you traverse this path of transformation, be patient with yourself. Change doesn't occur overnight. Gradually, as you shed the layers of victim mentality, you'll uncover a vibrant, resilient, and empowered self, ready to embrace life's adventures with grace and gusto. Remember, the journey to personal growth is continuous, but with determination and persistence, you can transcend the victim mentality and flourish in all spheres of life.
Harness the power within you, break free from the chains of victim mentality, and step into a life filled with growth, happiness, and holistic wellness.
]]>In the hyper-connected world of the 21st century, it's easy to become entrapped in a cycle of mental numbing. With countless distractions at our fingertips, many find solace in the mindless consumption of content, forgetting to nurture and grow their inner selves. Yet, it is essential to recognize and address mental numbing before it develops into a pervasive issue hampering your personal growth and wellness.
Mental numbing, or the habitual avoidance of conscious thought and self-reflection, often manifests through several recognizable patterns. Understanding these can be your first step towards fostering a mindful and vibrant life.
Compulsive Distractions: Engaging in activities like binge-watching TV shows, excessive social media scrolling, or compulsive gaming that doesn't provide true fulfillment.
Diminished Creativity: A noticeable decline in your ability to generate new ideas, solve problems, or express yourself artistically.
Reduced Emotional Engagement: A decrease in your capacity to feel deeply or empathize with others' experiences and emotions.
Avoidance of Deep Conversations: Steering clear of meaningful conversations, often opting for superficial chatter instead.
Loss of Curiosity: A dwindling interest in learning new things, exploring new places, or meeting new people.
If any of these signs resonate with you, it might be an indication that you are experiencing mental numbing. But worry not, because acknowledging this is a significant stride towards rediscovering your zest for life.
Understanding what causes mental numbing can provide a clear pathway to overcome it. Here are some prevalent factors that might be contributing to a numbed mind:
Overwhelming Stress: Constant high levels of stress can make people seek refuge in mind-numbing activities as a way to cope.
Fear of Facing Reality: Sometimes, the realities of life can be harsh and unforgiving, causing individuals to retreat into a state of mental numbness to avoid facing them.
Depression and Anxiety: Mental health issues like depression and anxiety can sometimes lead to a numbing of the mind as a self-preservation mechanism.
Lack of Purpose or Direction: Not having clear goals or a sense of purpose can lead to a stagnated mind, where growth seems unimportant or unattainable.
Begin by cultivating a mindfulness practice. Mindfulness meditation can help you stay grounded and connected to the present moment. It can assist in breaking the cycle of automatic responses and habitual numbing.
Reignite your curiosity by adopting a learner's mindset. Engage in activities that stimulate your mind, like reading books, taking up a hobby, or enrolling in courses that interest you.
Find outlets for your creativity. Whether it is painting, writing, dancing, or any other form of art, allowing yourself to create can be a potent antidote to mental numbing.
Regular physical activity can be a great way to reinvigorate a numbed mind. Whether it’s a brisk walk, a yoga class, or a gym workout, moving your body can help in clearing mental fog and revitalizing your mind.
If mental numbing is severely impacting your life, it might be beneficial to seek therapy. A professional can help you explore the underlying causes of your numbing and guide you on the path to healing.
Overcoming mental numbing is not a one-time event, but a journey of personal growth. Here are some steps you can take to foster continual growth:
Having clear, achievable goals can provide a sense of direction and purpose, helping to prevent mental stagnation.
Foster relationships that encourage deep and meaningful conversations, helping you to stay connected and engaged with the world around you.
Adopting a growth mindset, where you see challenges as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles, can be a powerful tool in combating mental numbing.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable and open to experiencing a wide range of emotions, both positive and negative. It can help in fostering a richer, more nuanced perspective on life.
In the face of modern-day distractions and stresses, it can be all too easy to fall into the trap of mental numbing. But remember, a vibrant, fulfilling life is within your reach. By recognizing the signs of mental numbing and taking active steps to overcome it, you can pave the way for a life marked by growth, wellness, and deep satisfaction.
You have the power to break free from the clutches of a numbed mind and embark on a journey of personal growth and self-discovery. So, take a moment to pause, reflect, and reconnect with your inner self. It is time to wake up your mind and reclaim the vibrant life you deserve.
]]>We live in a world where the pursuit of happiness is often deemed the ultimate goal. Yet, many of us find ourselves trapped in the cycle of "I'll be happy when..." thinking. Whether it's a promotion, a bigger house, or the perfect partner, we perpetually postpone our joy for some future achievement or acquisition. But what if that future moment never comes? Are we inadvertently squandering the happiness available to us right now?
The 'When-Then' Syndrome
The 'when-then' syndrome is a common trap many fall into. It's the mindset of "When X happens, then I'll be happy." While it's natural to anticipate joy from future events or milestones, it becomes problematic when our happiness is perpetually deferred to some future date.
The truth is, life is unpredictable. Sometimes, our plans don't pan out. By placing all our hopes for joy in the future, we miss out on the myriad opportunities for joy in the present.
Understanding the 'When-Then' Psychology
While the 'when-then' mindset seems prevalent in our modern age, it's deeply rooted in our psychology. Our society often glorifies future goals – be it career achievements, romantic milestones, or material acquisitions. This has been amplified by social constructs and perhaps even our upbringing. Parents might unknowingly enforce the idea by linking rewards (joy) to future achievements: "Once you graduate, then you'll be truly happy." Over time, this conditions us to always look forward, often at the expense of the present.
The Perils of Postponed Joy
Missed Moments: Every day holds small moments of joy – a child's laughter, a beautiful sunset, or a kind gesture from a stranger. When we're too focused on future happiness, we can overlook these moments.
Increased Stress: Waiting for a future event to bring happiness can be stressful. This anticipation and attachment to a specific outcome can lead to disappointment if things don't go as planned.
Reduced Resilience: By constantly deferring joy, we may lack the coping mechanisms to handle challenges. Embracing joy in the present can build resilience and help us navigate life's ups and downs.
The Science Behind Present-Moment Joy
Numerous studies emphasize the benefits of mindfulness and present-moment awareness. Mindfulness, the practice of being fully present and engaged in the current moment, has been shown to reduce anxiety, improve concentration, and increase overall well-being.
Furthermore, the concept of hedonic adaptation from psychology suggests that we quickly return to a stable level of happiness, regardless of positive or negative events in our lives. So, constantly chasing after external sources of joy may only provide temporary spikes in happiness, which soon fade.
Cultivating Present-Moment Joy
So how do we break free from the 'when-then' mindset and embrace the joy available to us right now?
Gratitude Practices: Start or end your day by listing three things you're grateful for. This simple exercise can shift your focus from what you lack to what you already possess.
Mindfulness Meditation: Even a few minutes of daily mindfulness meditation can ground you in the present and open your eyes to the beauty around you.
Joyful Rituals: Incorporate small rituals into your day that bring joy, whether it's a morning dance party, an evening walk, or simply savoring your coffee.
Limit Comparisons: In the age of social media, it's easy to fall into the comparison trap. Remember that everyone is on their own journey, and comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel is never fair.
Reframe Your Perspective: Instead of focusing on what's missing, ask yourself, "What's working well in my life right now?" This shifts the emphasis from lack to abundance.
External vs. Internal Joy
Joy can originate from both external and internal sources. External joys, though exhilarating, can be fleeting. They rely on external factors like praise, material gains, or societal milestones. While these can offer spikes in happiness, they're often temporary.
On the other hand, internal joy emanates from within and isn't dependent on external validations. It's the contentment you feel when you're aligned with your values, the peace from self-acceptance, or the happiness from simple pleasures. Cultivating internal joy is about nurturing a deep-seated sense of well-being that remains stable irrespective of external changes.
Conclusion
It's human nature to seek happiness and fulfillment. However, constantly deferring our joy for some future event is like chasing the horizon – always out of reach. By recognizing the 'when-then' trap and cultivating present-moment awareness, we can tap into a reservoir of joy that's available to us right now.
After all, life is a collection of moments, and every moment holds the potential for joy. Instead of waiting for happiness, why not seize it today?
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Aging gracefully is an art that intertwines the beauty of wisdom with the elegance of acceptance. It's a journey that transcends physical appearances, focusing on cultivating a life enriched with experiences, self-care, and inner peace. Embracing this mindset can transform the way we perceive the inevitable passage of time and our place within it.
1. Embracing Change with Positivity
As time marches on, it brings changes to our bodies, minds, and circumstances. Embracing these changes positively is crucial. It means understanding that while some physical attributes may fade, they make way for a depth of character and a wealth of experience that only time can bestow. It's about celebrating these changes, not lamenting them.
2. Nurturing Physical Health
Physical health is a cornerstone of aging well. Regular exercise, be it yoga, walking, or strength training, maintains mobility, balance, and cardiovascular health. Nutrition plays a vital role too. A balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains fuels the body with the nutrients it needs to thrive.
Prioritizing Mental and Emotional Well-being
Mental and emotional health is equally important. Engaging in activities that stimulate the mind, like reading, puzzles, or learning new skills, keeps the brain active. Equally important is addressing emotional needs. Building a supportive community, indulging in hobbies, and seeking help when needed are all essential steps.
3. The Power of Routine and Self-Care
Establishing a self-care routine is a form of self-respect. It's about setting aside time for personal grooming, relaxation, and activities that bring joy and relaxation. This routine could include skincare, mindfulness practices, or simply enjoying a cup of tea in solitude.
4. Lifelong Learning and Curiosity
Keeping the spirit of curiosity alive is a secret ingredient to aging gracefully. It involves continuously seeking new knowledge, experiences, and perspectives. Whether through travel, books, art, or conversation, lifelong learning keeps the mind sharp and the spirit young.
5. Building and Maintaining Relationships
Strong relationships are a buffer against the challenges of aging. Investing time in family, friends, and community creates a network of support and shared joy. It's also important to be open to new relationships, embracing the diversity and richness they bring.
6. Financial Security and Independence
Financial planning is often overlooked in discussions about aging, but it is vital. Financial security provides peace of mind and independence, allowing one to enjoy life without undue stress and to access necessary health care and lifestyle choices.
7. Acceptance and Letting Go
Aging gracefully involves acceptance and letting go. It means coming to terms with what cannot be changed and focusing on the present and the things that can be influenced. This acceptance isn't about giving up; it's about recognizing and appreciating the beauty of now.
8. Contribution and Giving Back
Contribution and giving back to society offer profound benefits in the process of aging gracefully. Engaging in activities like volunteering, mentoring, or participating in community service projects not only enriches the lives of others but also brings a deep sense of personal fulfillment and purpose. Such involvement keeps one connected to the community, promotes a feeling of belonging, and offers opportunities to share wisdom and skills. It's a reciprocal relationship where the act of giving imparts a sense of value and self-worth. Furthermore, these activities can lead to new friendships and experiences, enhancing one's social circle and adding diversity to one's life.
9. Cultivating Inner Peace and Spirituality
Finally, nurturing a sense of inner peace and spirituality can be a source of strength. Whether through religion, meditation, nature, or art, finding a personal path to tranquility is a profound aspect of aging gracefully.
Final Thoughts
Aging gracefully is not just about looking good; it's about feeling good, inside and out. It's a holistic approach that encompasses physical health, mental sharpness, emotional well-being, and spiritual depth. It's about living life fully, with acceptance, joy, and an open heart. As each year passes, it offers an opportunity to grow, learn, and glow with an inner light that transcends age.
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Life is a journey filled with ups and downs, and sometimes, it's easy to find yourself in a state of unhappiness or stagnation. If you've been experiencing persistent feelings of unhappiness, boredom, and disconnection, it might be a sign that it's time for a change in your life. Recognizing and addressing these signs can be the first step toward a journey of personal growth, wellness, and spiritual transformation. In this article, we'll explore seven signs that indicate it's time to take action and make positive changes in your life.
1. Lingering Unhappiness
One of the most significant signs that it's time for a change is the persistent feeling of unhappiness. If the joy that once lit up your life has dimmed and you find yourself grappling with negative emotions more often than not, it's crucial to acknowledge this as a wake-up call. Unhappiness is a signal that something isn't aligned with your true self, and embracing change can help you rediscover the path to joy and fulfillment.
2. Dwelling in the Past
Constantly dwelling on the past can be a roadblock to living a fulfilling present and future. Whether you're fixating on regrets or past mistakes, focusing too much on what has already happened prevents you from fully engaging with the present moment. Making peace with your past and learning to let go can open doors to new experiences and opportunities for growth.
3. A Sense of Boredom and Purposelessness
Feeling bored and without purpose is another clear indication that change is needed. When life becomes monotonous and lacks excitement, it's a sign that you're not fully engaged in activities that align with your passions and values. Embracing change might involve exploring new hobbies, setting meaningful goals, or embarking on a journey of self-discovery to reignite your sense of purpose.
4. Disconnect from Relationships
Isolation and a growing disconnection from the people around you can signal that it's time for a change in your social interactions. If you find yourself withdrawing from friends and family, preferring solitary activities, or feeling distant even in social settings, it's an opportunity to reflect on the quality of your relationships. Building and nurturing meaningful connections can significantly contribute to your overall well-being and happiness.
5. Lack of Interest in Fun Activities
When activities that used to bring you joy lose their appeal, it's a sign that you're out of alignment with your desires and interests. If you're no longer enthusiastic about spending time with friends, engaging in hobbies, or exploring new experiences, it's a clear indication that a change is overdue. Taking steps to reconnect with your passions can breathe new life into your days.
6. Repetitive Negative Patterns
If you find yourself caught in a cycle of negative thoughts, behaviors, or circumstances, it's a signal that your current approach to life isn't serving you well. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking free from them. Embracing change might involve seeking support, practicing mindfulness, or seeking professional guidance to shift your mindset and behaviors toward a more positive direction.
7. Inner Intuition Calling for ChangeOften, deep down, we have an intuitive sense of what needs to change in our lives. Trusting your intuition can guide you toward making choices that align with your authentic self and values. If you have a persistent feeling that change is necessary, it's important to honor that inner wisdom and take steps toward the transformation you seek.
Life is a precious gift, and every moment offers an opportunity for growth, wellness, and spiritual evolution. Recognizing the signs that indicate it's time for a change can set you on a path of self-discovery, personal growth, and improved well-being. Embracing change requires courage and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone, but the rewards can be profound. By addressing unhappiness, letting go of the past, seeking purpose, nurturing connections, and breaking negative patterns, you can create a life that is more aligned with your true self and aspirations. Remember, the journey of change begins with a single step—one that can lead to a brighter, more fulfilling future.
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Life is a journey of self-discovery, filled with myriad roles and identities we adopt to navigate its twists and turns. But what if there was a way to tap into an extraordinary reserve of hidden potential by donning the cloak of a different persona? "The Alter Ego Effect," is a concept that delves into the remarkable power of adopting alternate personas to overcome barriers, achieve aspirations, and unveil the most empowered version of ourselves. In this article, we'll delve into the depths of this concept, exploring how it can be a catalyst for personal transformation and an avenue to unlock the dormant capabilities within us.
The Alter Ego Effect, popularized by performance coach Todd Herman, introduces us to the idea that adopting an alternate identity can liberate us from the self-imposed limitations that often hold us back. It's about creating a distinct mental separation between who we perceive ourselves to be in our day-to-day lives and the potential we can achieve by adopting a secret persona.
At its core, the Alter Ego Effect involves crafting a persona that aligns with the traits, strengths, and qualities needed to excel in a specific context. It's akin to stepping into the shoes of a character – much like actors do – to enhance performance and drive personal growth. By compartmentalizing our fears, doubts, and insecurities, we can break free from their grip and channel our energy towards achieving our goals.
In essence, by adopting an alter ego, we free ourselves from the shackles of our perceived limitations and grant ourselves permission to exhibit traits we may have doubted or dismissed within our original identity. This can be a game-changer in areas where self-doubt often takes the reins, such as public speaking, sports, entrepreneurship, or even social interactions.
Creating your own alter ego requires introspection, self-awareness, and a dash of imagination. Start by identifying the area in which you feel limited or challenged. Is it confidence, assertiveness, or creativity? Once you've pinpointed the qualities you need to enhance, imagine a persona that embodies those traits effortlessly. Give this persona a name, backstory, and distinctive characteristics.
Remember, your alter ego is your secret weapon – it's the courageous version of you that steps forward when you need to confront adversity. Allow yourself to fully embrace this identity in the context where you need it most. It might be a certain outfit, a specific mantra, or even a ritual that triggers the transition from your everyday self to your alter ego.
The Alter Ego Effect isn't about denying your authentic self; rather, it's about tapping into aspects of your potential that might be dormant or overlooked. By adopting secret identities, you can shatter the barriers that hinder your progress and unlock previously untapped reserves of confidence, creativity, and courage.
Whether you're aiming to conquer your fear of public speaking, ace a job interview, or simply infuse more zest into your daily interactions, the Alter Ego Effect can be a powerful tool in your arsenal. Embrace the idea that you are not limited by your current identity – you have the ability to evolve and adapt in pursuit of your goals.
In a world where self-doubt and limitations often hold us back, the Alter Ego Effect offers a refreshing approach to personal transformation. By adopting a different persona tailored to the qualities we wish to enhance, we can rewrite the script of our lives and embrace our potential with renewed vigor. It's not about creating a facade, but about harnessing the power within us to overcome challenges and become the heroes of our own stories. So, who will your alter ego be, and what incredible feats will you accomplish together? The choice is yours.
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Have you ever felt lost, broken and weary? I surely did and Welcome Home by Najwa Zebian arrived at precisely the right moment in my life, when I needed it most. As they say, "when the student is ready, the teacher appears." Najwa Zebian's words have the power to heal, inspire and guide you back home.
"Your home belongs nowhere outside of you. Your home is within you. You are the architect. You are the builder. And you are the occupant. You must find yourself. You must see yourself. Hear yourself. Love yourself. You must create safety for yourself."
In Welcome Home: A Guide to Building a Home for Your Soul, renowned speaker and author Najwa Zebian provides a powerful and comprehensive guide for healing by building a home within yourself. She explains that “the key to healing is not to look for someone who can fill the void within us; instead we must learn to be our own sanctuary." While this isn't new in and of itself, Zebian's approach to explaining how to accomplish it on your own is truly groundbreaking. Not only can she put into words this very abstract and complex process, she has outdone many writers before her.
" But what many don’t realize is that when you build your home in other people, you give them the power to make you homeless. When those people walk away, those homes walk away with them, and all of a sudden, we feel empty because everything that we had within us, we put into them."
Zebian explains how we often feel empty or abandoned when we attach ourselves to someone or something outside of us (job, institutions, money, hobby, etc). No matter how much they seem like the perfect sanctuary from the world, there will always be circumstances that cause them to be unavailable.
So, how can you build a safe haven within yourself? This is something that will require time and effort, but once you've completed it, you'll never look back. You'll feel whole and confident within yourself, which no one can take away from you. It is the most important inner work you will ever do in your life. In her book, Zebian will guide you lovingly and wholeheartedly through this very delicate process. She leads by example by sharing her life experiences and how she built these rooms within yourself. She is a very inspiring and courageous woman who faced many of her demons.
The first chapter of the book is about the Foundation, which explains how to create a solid base for your inner home. Then, each following chapter proceed to tackle a room in your soul's home: Self-Love, Forgiveness, Compassion, Clarity, Surrender and The Dream Garden. Each area has pillars and themes, as well as rules for what you want that room to represent. Each pillar has questions to assist you in analyzing your own feelings. It sounds daunting but Zebian has the ability to guide you flawlessly through each room.
Here is what you can anticipate from each chapter:
• Self-Love: Discover how to genuinely love yourself and release the fear of being abandoned.
• Forgiveness: Allow yourself time, reflection, and space to accept and let go of hurtful experiences.
• Compassion: Discover the three distinct types of compassion and how to balance openness with boundary setting.
• Clarity: Learn how to tear down the walls you've built around your genuine self.
• Surrender: Learn how to decrease your defensive walls and create space for yourself to feel and process your emotions.
• The Dream Garden: Find out how to nurture your aspirations and create a unique, authentic route.
Zebian is a poet with an exquisite writing style. Each sentence is so beautiful and poetic, full of imagery and metaphors, yet very accessible. This book shows how much effort Zebian put into choosing her words. I felt privileged to read a book written with such care.
The emptiness we feel doesn’t mean we have nothing to give, or that we have nothing within us. It’s just that we built our home in the wrong place.
I highly recommend this book to anyone on a journey of self-discovery. It's definitely a must-read for any woman (any person, really) ready to embrace their vulnerability and learn how to love themselves. If you're looking for a way to get more connected with your soul, then Welcome Home is the perfect place to start that journey!
This book is available on Amazon and Audible.
Click here for more information:
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Do you ever feel like you're your own worst enemy? "I'm not good enough. No one will ever love me. Why am I so ugly?" It's hard to believe that these are things that women say to themselves on a regular basis. The negative self-talk we hear inside our heads can be absolutely devastating and have serious consequences on our mental health, relationships with others and overall happiness. Today we are going to share some tips with you on how to stop this negative and abusive self-talk for good!
Negative self-talk is self-abuse and should not be taken lightly. Labels are powerful words and can stick with you for a lifetime. If you label yourself as something negative, like "I'm not good enough" or "No one will ever love me," these thoughts have power over your subconscious mind and feed into the negative self-talk that is already taking hold of your brain.
Labeling yourself with positive words can have a powerful effect. If you tell yourself "I am strong" or "I am beautiful," the thoughts of self-love and acceptance will take root in your subconscious mind which will help to combat any negative thoughts that are trying to overtake you.
It's important to recognize when you're having a negative self-talk episode so that you can stop it in the moment. If you don't recognize it, then your thoughts will continue and grow into an all-out verbal assault of yourself. Negative episodes may occur at any time or for no reason at all! These types of phrases decrease our overall happiness and keep us from feeling worthy as people. Recognizing these episodes means identifying them as quickly as possible and replacing them with words that help you to feel empowered instead.
When you're feeling low about yourself, it can be easy to fall into negative self-talk. Practicing mindfulness can help you to identify and stop negative thoughts. Take a few moments away from the situation to be mindful of your breathing, surroundings and what is happening in that moment. This can allow you to step back from the stressful or upsetting thought without being ruled by it.
One of the best ways to counteract these negative thoughts is by practicing deep breathing. Deep breathing slows down your heart rate and helps you gain some control over a stressful situation. This can be done anywhere, anytime- even on public transportation!
Talk back to those negative thoughts, like a parent would reprimanding an ill-behaved child. It might feel strange at first but it can be helpful in stopping the cycle of abuse you put yourself through.
If your inner voice feels more like an abuser than someone who loves you unconditionally, start by listening without reacting until the thought has finished its rant. Then tell yourself that you love yourself enough not to let this abusive person control how you feel about yourself any longer. Then turn your focus on something else.
For more intense episodes, you can also say "STOP" out loud when that negative thought or feeling hits. This might sound silly at first but this is a great way to take back control of the conversation in your head and stop those thoughts before they get too overwhelming.
Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes sometimes. It's important to show yourself the compassion you would offer someone else in a similar situation.
We often think that self-criticism will help us improve, but this is simply not true. In reality, negative thoughts can lead to anxiety or depression which can have serious consequences for your mental health. It's also very difficult to improve when we're constantly beating ourselves up about our flaws and weaknesses!
Even if you don't feel like an achievement was good enough, remember that being able to acknowledge what has been done is always better than denying any progress at all. Think of every small accomplishment as one step further towards large goals!
Every thought we have is a choice. You are in control of every moment and you get to decide which thoughts will occupy your mind-space, but it all starts with the first step - awareness. Negative self-talk will only serve to make you feel worse about yourself. It can lead you to behave in ways that are harmful to your mental health - like avoiding social situations because of fear or feeling worthless. Don’t be your worst enemy, be your most spirited cheerleader!
If you can identify when the negative self-talk starts happening and then remind yourself not to accept it, over time these destructive habits will dissipate. The key is being able to recognize the patterns within yourself so that we know how best to react - which might be by talking back! Be firm and make it clear that you’re not accepting their comments. Don't engage with those thoughts or feelings, and don't give them any power. Turn your attention to what's going well in life instead of ruminating on things that are out of our control.
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Shyness and social anxiety can make it a challenge to get yourself heard at work, and a lack of self-confidence can make social situations uncomfortable. The good news is, though, that shyness can be overcome, and you may not need the help of a therapist to gain some confidence.
So, if you are one of the many people who do struggle with shyness, read on. Here are ten tips to help you overcome your shyness.
The first thing to understand is that your shyness does not define who you are. Shyness is not an ingrained personality trait; it is an emotion that you can learn to control. So, stop telling people that you are shy, and stop believing that you are a shy person. There are so many other skills and qualities that you have that are far more important than your shyness.
You are not going to read one self-improvement book, or this article for that matter, and become an instantly confident person. Overcoming your shyness will take time and a little a bit effort. Your shyness will probably have begun in your childhood, so you will have had a lot of practice of avoiding social situations and fading into the background. You are not going to be able to change those habits overnight.
If you are reading this article, then you must have your reasons for wanting to overcome your shyness. Perhaps you want to be able to speak up in meetings or at work, or you want to be able to join in the conversation when you are in social groups. These are the ultimate goals that you are aiming for, but there will be smaller steps that you will need to take along the way. Make a list of the situations that you find difficult, and then prioritize those situations in order of difficulty. Tackle the ones that cause you the least anxiety first.
Just as an actor rehearses for a role, you can practice being confident. And the more you practice your new self-confidence, the easier it will be to beat your shyness when it comes to the real thing. If you are about to face a situation that would usually make you anxious, try picturing yourself dealing what that scenario confidently. Imagine how you want to behave and practice what you want to say. Things might not go entirely to plan the first time you do this. But the more you practice that you do, the more often you will find that your visualizations will come true.
Shy people often overthink what is in other people's minds. Instead of saying whatever you want to say, you hesitate and consider what other people will think about your opinions. Your concern about what people will think of you probably often causes you to miss the opportunity to join in with a conversation. Then, you enter a cycle of overthinking and lose the chance to have your say. You cannot know in advance if people will agree or disagree with you, and it is unlikely that anyone will think any less of you as a person if they do disagree with you. So, try to keep your imagination in check, because it is only your imagination that is telling you that everyone is judging you all the time.
The way that people overcome phobias is that they slowly expose themselves to what they fear. You can take the same approach to defeat your shyness. So, pick a few of the scenarios that would usually cause you mild anxiety, and try to face up to those scenarios, one at a time. If your shyness prevents you from saying hello to a familiar face on the street, for example, try greeting that person the next time you see them. Then, take it up a level by making just one small contribution to a group conversation. Once you have successfully crossed the minor hurdles, you will find that you will be more confident about taking on the larger ones.
Try to stop worrying about how you look or what other people think about you. Instead, focus your attention on what is going on around you and what other people are saying. Take a genuine interest is what is being discussed, and people will repay you the favor by being interested in what you have to say. A shy person is also often described as an introverted person, and an introvert is someone who always looks inwards. So, start to look ouward more and try not to dwell so much on yourself.
Shy people are often perfectly relaxed and at ease with their family and close friends. But, if someone they do not know enters the room, a shy person will clam up immediately. The fact that you can talk and laugh with close friends proves that you can do the same with other people once you get used to them. As already mentioned, you can overcome shyness by gradually confronting the things that you fear. So, begin by introducing yourself to one new acquaintance a week and slowly widening your circle of friends.
Your journey to becoming a more outgoing person will not be without its disappointments. But do not let the failures dissuade you from trying. You may go to a meeting at work determined to speak up and then not get an opportunity to say something. You may try to contribute to a conversation and find that no one hears you. You may even say something that you wish you had not. But remember, these things do not only happen to shy people -- they also happen to everyone. So, bounce back from the disappointments and keep on trying.
Most people are shy to some extent. The confident person in your group of friends, for example, may well be petrified of speaking to large groups of people. Many people also hide their shyness and only fake confidence. And who does not get nervous on a first date or when attending a job interview? The only thing that makes you different is that you have yet to learn how to control the emotion of shyness, but that will come, one step at a time.
Conclusion
So, in conclusion, the way to overcome shyness is to expose yourself to the things that you fear gradually. Slowly, you will find that people do not judge you in the way that you believe. And, yes, you do have opinions that people want to hear. Remember, there is no such thing as a shy person. There is only a person who has not yet overcome their shyness.
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Procrastination is the act of avoiding or delaying a task. People often find ways to put off doing something because they lack motivation, the task is too vague or they are afraid of doing a bad job. Whatever the reason for procrastination, there are simple techniques that can help you overcome it, become more productive and achieve your short and long-term goals.
1. Set your goals
People sometimes procrastinate because they lack clear, attainable goals. If you have to do something unpleasant, boring or difficult, it is very hard to motivate yourself unless you have a clear goal in mind. Work out what it is that you want to achieve. Are you studying a foreign language? If so, why do you want to learn it? Some people learn a language so that they can speak to a bilingual family member, or to locals on holiday. Other people may be studying to expand their skillset and advance their career. If you are completing a task, ask yourself why it's important to achieve it. This can help you to focus and remember the reason why you are putting in the work.
2. Use a visual motivation
Sometimes, people procrastinate due to a lack of motivation. If the task you need to complete is just one part of a large goal, it can be difficult to imagine a future reward. This is especially relevant to college students, where every assignment leads towards getting a diploma. Try making a mood board to display a visual of what your life might look like once you've achieved the overall goal. You might put a picture of yourself wearing graduation robes or pictures illustrating your dream career. Hang this board over your desk or somewhere you will see it often. This will help you to stay motivated for a goal that may seem abstract or out of reach.
3. Break down the task
Many tasks contain multiple parts. For example, housework often includes scrubbing bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, mopping floors and dusting. It also spans several rooms, some of which may have additional tasks. If you tend to procrastinate when it comes to housework, try writing a list detailing each separate component, for example hoover living area, mop kitchen floor. Tick off each small task as you achieve it. This technique can apply to any task with more than one obvious component, for example writing an essay, preparing a presentation, filling out a form or making a job application.
4. Overcome the fear of failure
Many people procrastinate because they are afraid of failure. This fear becomes stronger than the desire to get something done. Often, people put off completing a task until their anxiety levels naturally dip. Try asking yourself some simple questions about the task you want to achieve. What will happen if you don't get it finished? What happens if it's not perfect? What happens if it fails? Most of the time, it is better to get something finished, even if it's imperfect, that not complete it at all. Consider doing some self-care activities to reduce your anxiety levels, for example practising meditation, taking a walk, talking about your fears with a friend, or listening to soothing music.
5. Take a break
When it comes to procrastination, taking a break might sound counterproductive. However, when you are thinking about doing a task, even if you haven't started, you are spending energy worrying about what you have to do. If you've been trying to get started on something for hours, give yourself permission to take a 30-minute break and refuse to think about the task. Do something completely different, preferably active, for example going for a walk or doing a YouTube workout. Sometimes, taking a short break away from a project can help you see it clearer.
6. Schedule your tasks
If you have a number of tasks to complete, you might decide to tackle them at the weekend, on your day off or during a free evening. Organising your free time can be challenging and you are likely to encounter distractions. Try scheduling your tasks. For example, if you have several errands to run, you might choose to wake up early on a Saturday morning and work through a list, so you have the rest of your weekend to relax. If you are working on a project, you might set aside two hours each evening where you have no other plans. Write your plan down in a diary or to do list.
7. Create a reward scheme
When you try to get children to do something, you often come up with a reward, for example a sticker or a fun activity, to motivate them. Adult brains respond just as well to the promise of reward. You might choose to reward yourself for completing a task, or for an hour's dedicated work on a larger task, such as an essay. Try to avoid using food as a reward, as this can lead to psychological problems around food and self-denial. Instead, pick something you enjoy, such as spending ten minutes browsing memes or YouTube videos, playing a video game, calling a friend or listening to your favourite song. If you are trying to complete a large task, break it into approximately 50-minute segments and give yourself a 10-minute reward every time you complete a segment.
There will always be extraneous factors that affect your productivity. Stress, exhaustion or busyness might get in the way. However, addressing the reason behind your procrastination and applying relevant techniques should help you to boost productivity and complete your tasks. Learning to overcome procrastination also frees up time and energy previously spent thinking about starting a task or worrying about the outcome.
]]>If you are like most people, you care too much about what others think of you. Therefore, you likely compare yourself to others - and then worry about how they "judge" you - especially your status in life. Unfortunately, the problem with comparing yourself to others is that your comparisons are often based on negative thoughts and insecurities. For example, you are more likely to compare your position in life to that of someone you perceive as being more successful. They might make more money than you, own a bigger house, or drive a fancier car. However, you are less likely to compare yourself to those who are less fortunate than you: people who make less money than you, live in smaller homes, or drive less expensive cars. In short, a big part of caring about what others think of you comes from making unhealthy comparisons to other people. Here are some important steps you can take to think more about yourself and less about others.
1. Why People Compare Themselves to Others
Unfortunately, most people compare themselves to others from a flawed outlook about their life. That's because many people have an underlying feeling of unworthiness or self-disappointment. For instance, you might not make as much money as you would like. Therefore, you find someone who makes more money than you, and you start comparing yourself to that person. Do you see a problem with that? You found someone who makes more money - not less money - to compare yourself to. Your comparison is rooted in a negative thought: You don't make as much money as you want. However, if you were looking to make a comparison that was grounded in a positive thought, you would find someone less fortunate than yourself to make a comparison with. Then, you would (likely) be grateful for everything that you have.
2. Compare Your Current Self to your Ideal Self
Instead of comparing yourself to others in an unhealthy way, compare your current self to your ideal self. Back to the example of not earning as much money as you would like: there are a number of ways that you could (likely) increase your earnings in the future. For instance, you could start applying to jobs that pay more. You could go back to school to gain more valuable skills and training. Depending on your profession, you might be able to make more money by working for yourself. Basically, you want to look at your life and see how you could improve it in the future.
3. Stop Being Your Number One Critic
As mentioned earlier, people often compare themselves to others because of some type of disappointment in their life. While you can definitely take steps to improve your life, you will never make it perfect. However, if you are a perfectionist, you likely find yourself criticizing many of the things that you do. Therefore, you must stop being so self-critical. Instead, set realistic expectations for yourself - understanding that you will never be perfect. Then, don't beat yourself up when you fall short of a goal.
4. Give Your Self-Esteem a Boost
You will never make healthy comparisons as long as you have low feelings of self-worth. Therefore, if you often find yourself comparing yourself to others - in a negative way - then your self-esteem could likely use a boost. Try this short exercise to boost your self-esteem:
If you take that exercise seriously, you will realize that you will learn some really special things about yourself. When you feel better about yourself, you won't worry as much about what others think of you.
5. Boost Your Self-Confidence
One of the biggest reasons that you (likely) compare yourself to others is because you lack self-confidence in your own abilities. When you don't believe in yourself, then you will find a lot of faults. That means you look to others to admire their "perfect" qualities that you desire. The truth is nobody really possesses perfect qualities. Everyone has their own faults and insecurities. However, you need to focus less on your faults and focus more on developing greater self-confidence in yourself. You can find resources online that will offer more tips on boosting your self-confidence.
6. Most People Aren't Really Judging You as Much as You Think
Finally, it's normal to feel like others are watching your every move - especially when you mess up. However, the reality is that most people are so busy and tied up in their own life that they really aren't paying that much attention to you. For example, the person you think who is looking down on you all the time might actually be worried that others are looking down on them. That's because most people - even really successful people - have insecurities. The next time you get stressed worrying about what others are thinking of you, just remind yourself that they are probably too wrapped up in their own life to really care.
In short, if you want to stop worrying what others think about you, then you are going to have to stop comparing yourself to others. That's because when you make unhealthy comparisons, you end up creating further anxieties worrying about the impression you are making. Start comparing your current self to your future self: the person you wish to be in the future. You must also stop being so self-critical when you make mistakes. If you have a lot of insecurities brought on by having low self-esteem, then you need to work on improving your self-worth. Furthermore, you need to boost your self-confidence, so that you believe more in yourself. Lastly, remember that you shouldn't worry about what others are thinking of you - because most people are really just focused on their own life.
]]>Have you ever wondered why success always seems to elude you, when you know that you can achieve so much more? If that sounds like you, then it might be that you have developed some habits that are holding you back.
For the most part, the habits that people have are insignificant and unimportant. Things like biting your fingernails or playing with your hair might be annoying, but they are not going to stand in the way of your success.
Some habits, though, affect the way that people perceive themselves and the way that they behave. It is some of those behavioral habits that can indeed be a barrier to success. So, if you are a person who knows that they have what it takes but never quite gets there, read on. Here are ten habits that could be the reason why you have not yet achieved the success that you deserve.
1. DREAMS BUT NO ROADMAP
Whether you want to be a rock star or run your own business, you must do more than dream about it if you are going to achieve it. And you are not going to achieve goals like these in one giant leap. The path to success consists of the many small steps that lead to your objective. So, break down your goal into a roadmap of the smaller targets that will eventually lead you to success.
2. PROCRASTINATING
Right up there at the top of the list of habits that will hold you back is the inability to make quick decisions. Although you should attempt to get the facts and figures that you need to make the best decision that you can, sometimes you must go with you have got. While you are sitting on the fence deciding on whether to take that job or set up a business, someone else will get there before you. If you want to get ahead, you must be decisive.
3. TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYONE
The people-pleasers are rarely the ones who hit the big time. If you are trying to keep everyone happy all the time, you must be making compromises somewhere. As mentioned above, successful people are decisive. And people who make decisions must, at some point, disappoint or upset somebody else. You do not have to trample all over people to become a success. But you must accept that you cannot possibly please everyone with every decision that you make.
4. DOUBTING YOURSELF
The close cousin of procrastination is self-doubt. People who make a name for themselves understand that they are not perfect, but they do believe in themselves. There is little worse than to find out after the event that you were right after all. So, as well as trusting in your instincts, you should also have faith in your abilities.
If you want to be a success, you will need to be prepared to stand up and be counted. That means taking responsibility for your failures as well as your accomplishments. People who keep their heads low and their opinions to themselves may well avoid responsibility and confrontation. Still, they also never get noticed and never achieve their full potential.
If you are a person who is easily distracted, then you are going to need to become more disciplined if you want to succeed. So, stop flicking into YouTube to watch one video and wind up watching twelve! Instead, stay focussed on the task at hand and give it one hundred percent of your attention until the job has been completed.
Of course, getting things right will help you climb the ladder to success. Still, you sometimes need to put meeting a deadline above perfection. There are many situations where even perfect work delivered late will not meet the objectives. Sometimes, you must take shortcuts and strike a balance between providing faultless work and timeliness.
If you have gotten into the habit of believing that you are the only person who can do a job right, then you are unlikely to make it to the top. Successful people understand the importance of being willing to delegate, and they value advice from other people.
The path of least resistance is not usually the best one to follow if you want to be a success. After all, it was easy; everyone would be at the top. You must be willing to step outside your comfort zone if you want to progress in life. Pushing yourself beyond what you thought was possible is the best way to reach your full potential.
The final habit that you will need to break if you want to be a success is the tendency to quit when the going gets tough. Successful people are driven and persistent. They do not give up when something goes wrong; they get straight back up again and give it another go. Success rarely comes overnight; it takes hard work, dedication, and the ability to take a few knocks.
Conclusion
Anyone can be a success in their chosen field if they try. But, if you are burdened with any of the above habits, you may find it tough to get the top. Even so, even ingrained habits can be broken, but only if you recognize that you have them.
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Do you find yourself undergoing a significant life change? Do you ever feel like you're not the person you used to be? It's fine! The past is gone, and it doesn't have to define your present. In this article, we will discuss how to grieve your past self so that the new person you are today can take over. We'll talk about what you need the most in order to move forward, why you may feel guilty or ashamed for letting go of your old self, and how you can release these negative feelings. Let's get it started!
This is when you are able to pinpoint exactly who it is you are grieving, which can help you feel more connected with your present self. If you don't know what your old self was like or have trouble identifying her, try looking at pictures of yourself from that time period in order to jog your memory and discover how much has changed since then. This is when you are able to really understand that she was once a part of your life, but no longer exists in this capacity anymore. Once you have a clear picture of themselves back then, they're ready for step two!
"No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear." - C.S Lewis
First, you should recognize your feelings and embrace them. It might be uncomfortable. However, embracing emotions makes the entire grieving process more manageable and less overwhelming. If you're not sure exactly what this means, try talking about your past self with a friend who knew her well; chances are she'll have plenty of advice on how to get through each step!
Second, you need to find peace within yourself by accepting that 'change is part of life'. This doesn't mean all change is good or bad - it simply means we must learn how to adapt in order to survive. You'll feel more at ease with the new person you're becoming if you can accept that your old self is gone.
Third, it's only natural for you to feel guilty over letting go of your old self. Try to understand why she was so important and what made her significant in your life. This way, you can grieve her loss without feeling too bad about it. This is when you are able to fully understand the value of your past self in order to be more content with moving forward.
"Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve." - Earl Grollman
The five stages of grief were first defined by a psychiatrist named Elizabeth Kubler-Ross back in 1969. She wrote a book called "On Death and Dying," where she identified five common grieving stages experienced by most people. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote that book after her own experiences with terminally ill people. As it turns out, we become much wiser when we think our lives are in danger.
Yet, fear can take over when we’re going through the worst phases of our lives. We tend to forget about all the things that were once important to us. We also forget that we matter, and that we deserve to be alright despite the circumstances. Understanding grief as a natural emotion will also help you overcome the fear of moving forward. So, here are the five stages of grief for you to consider:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
Remember, there is no particular order for these stages to take place. Moreover, not everyone goes through all of them when processing grief. Some people might experience only one or two before feeling healed. Either way, grief opens up the doors of our soul which means each person has to take their own unique journey.
"The five stages - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stopping on some linear timeline in grief." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
When Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross created the philosophy of the five stages of grief, she reflected on the feelings that terminally ill patients and their loved ones had to go through. Later, the five stages of grief were also used to describe how people react to losing someone they love.
Still, you must understand that “loss” is a lingering feeling that can come from anywhere - internal or external. It can also take us down many different paths depending on how we deal with it. Grasping the stages of grief should, therefore, help you grieve better rather than grieving for no reason.
Stage 1: Denial
Denial is a defense mechanism that usually happens when we face something scary or unpleasant. It’s used as a way for the mind to protect itself before a crash. Feelings of numbness replace your sense of reality, but you’ll have to grow more sensitive to the situation eventually. And while this is a natural stage of grief, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Just remember that you will be okay in the long-run, and that hiding behind denial and fear might feel like it’s helping even though it’s not.
Stage 2: Anger
Because we don’t have to feel grief, we deny it. Feeling grief means accepting the realities of the situation, which can be extremely hard for some people. In those cases, we transfer our feelings of grief into the frame of anger, resentment, or blame. Those emotions then become so intense that we have trouble comprehending it, often shifting the focus to other people or even ourselves. However, after this stage subsides you may gain a deeper understanding of yourself and start to grasp why you acted or felt the way you did.
Stage 3: Bargaining
The “what ifs” will start to emerge during this stage of grief. It’s your mind, body, and soul’s way of trying to make sense of the emotions you’re feeling and reality you’re experiencing. Fortunately, thinking this way does not make you at fault for anything. In fact, it’s a natural part of the grieving process and it can even help relieve stress to think about how things might have been.
Bargaining is a way to attempting to regain control of the situation. Religious people often pray to their God or ask for signs while this is happening. That’s because grief makes us vulnerable. The good news is that entering this stage means you’re beginning to passively accept what has happened.
Stage 4: Depression
The depression stage usually happens once you’ve fully accepted your reality - when there’s no one else to blame nor a better circumstance to adopt. This is typically when overwhelming emotions such as sadness and hopeless start to become more prevalent. You begin feeling everything more acutely, thus this is the most dangerous stage of them all. Most of the time, we stay frozen in this place because of fear, guilt, loss, and pain. It can be scary to look for a way out, so don’t be afraid to seek professional help.
Stage 5: Acceptance
Acceptance may seem like the end of grief - the stage where you finally move on and find the best version of yourself once and for all. However, that’s not really how things normally go. Instead, the acceptance stage happens when you stop blaming yourself for what happened. It’s the realization that whatever took place was out of your control, and that it most likely happened for a reason. Unfortunately, this stage is not a promise of brighter days all the time. There’s still a lot of work to be done when you get here.
Well, here you are ready to say goodbye to your old self and embrace the new. It’s time to bury past trauma and grow into the person you were always meant to be. The five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - are each an essential part of the healing framework that helps us achieve greatness. Grief is, therefore, a tool to help us identify what we’re feeling and process it productively.
We look at grief with fear in our eyes. We think about the person we’ve become and see pain, not progression. Grief is a soul-searching journey that can end in two distinct ways. Either it destroys your innate beauty, or it helps transform you into an experienced butterfly. Either way, it will always be a difficult path with many bumps in the road.
Some days, you may feel like you’ve got this under control. Other days, you may feel weak or numb. Every emotion you experience is legitimate, natural, and expected. So, don’t blame yourself for feeling vulnerable. The day you can look grief in the eye and use it for self-discovery is the day you embark on a healing process that ends the punishment.
Someday, this will all be just another chapter in your life, or perhaps the doorway that writes a whole new chapter filled with contentment and success. Regardless, it’s only the beginning - not the ending - and you will feel like smiling again soon.
OUR FAVORITE PODCAST EPISODE ON THIS SUBJECT:
HEALERS: Grieving the old you with shamanic practitioner Mimi Young
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Overthinking can be painful. It produces an imaginary play in your mind that repeats the actions you took and the things you said and felt while combing them with fears of the future.
By overthinking, you essentially strip yourself of the freedom to enjoy the present. Doing so can also cost you a lot. That’s because our minds are still very much a mystery to modern science, so many speculate that our thoughts can affect our realities. In short, overthinking can make a situation feel much scarier than it actually is. After all, we tend to obsess over the negative side of things more often than not.
If we define our reality by our thoughts about it, then does that mean our current inner monologue is influencing the outcome of our lives? Some say yes. It’s interesting, nonetheless, and worthy of a deeper look. Understanding why we overthink and how to stop it is the key, so listen up.
"Overthinking, also, best known as creating problems that are never there"- David Sikhosana
Overthinking is the act of thinking too much about something that’s either unimportant, unpredictable, or undesirable. Some people repeatedly rehash information before deciding; others get stuck in their head by analyzing everything.
Most overthinkers remain frozen in their hectic mind instead of acting on impulse, which is just as unbalanced. Here’s the kicker: Overthinking is dangerous because it evokes feelings of worry and produces unhealthy obsessive habits. And while many see overthinking as just an optional behavior, it can get out of control and bring on countless health concerns.
For example, the more you listen to your negative thoughts, the more you start to believe them. That, in turn, can be extremely dangerous to your mental and emotional wellbeing. Having a clear mind allows you to feel happier, be more productive, and stay more relaxed. For some, all that feels impossible to achieve because of a racing mind.
• You frequently have trouble sleeping.
• You’re constantly overanalyzing every minute detail.
• You can’t make a confident decision without second-guessing yourself.
• You’ll pour over every possible outcome before an event.
• You often feel run-down and fatigued.
• It’s virtually impossible for you to live in the moment without anxiety.
• You find it hard to stay focused because of countless thoughts.
• Your mood dips pretty low sometimes.
• It’s difficult for you to connect with other people.
• You’re usually consumed by underlying fears.
It's common for someone to feel vulnerable about what lies ahead. Coming up with different outcomes is also normal. But when we attach fear to something we can’t get out of our heads, then we can get stuck in that damaging state of mind.
Overthinking is destructive, not to mention mentally exhausting. It can put your health at risk because it makes you more receptive to bouts of depression and anxiety. Fortunately, there are ways to stop this vicious cycle in its tracks. Here’s what you need to know.
"The more you overthink the less you will understand."-Habeeb Akande
It’s not always easy to stop overthinking, even if you command yourself to do so. Unfortunately, it usually takes more than just will power alone. So, here are 10 positive (and effective) ways to clear your mind and ease your stress:
1. Take a step back and breathe
Mindful breathing is one of the best ways to help calm a racing brain. It’s no surprise that things like meditation can make a significant difference in a person’s wellbeing. That's because meditation is mainly based on breathing exercises that are known to relieve anxiety.
The next time you find yourself drowning in a sea of thoughts, just find a quiet space and practice some breathing exercises. This will also teach you how to take control of your inner monologue once and for all. By simply breathing in and out, you’ll start to feel less worried and stressed about the tiny details of your existence.
2. Try to see things from a different perspective
Most overthinkers focus mainly on the negative side of a situation. That’s because people tend to obsess when they’re afraid or feeling vulnerable. The reality is that it's easier to fall into negative thinking than positive affirmation. However, there is always a better way to solve problems.
It's crucial to find the bright side of any thought no matter the reason(s) why you have it. Finding a positive attribute can turn things around and stop you from digging too deep into a specific scenario. Before you know it, that thought is history and you’re feeling more motivated to live in the moment.
3. Tell yourself to stop
Nobody said this exercise was easy, but you should still try. Telling yourself to stop repetitive and harmful thinking can prevent you from getting overwhelmed. So, even if you catch yourself overthinking by accident, learn how to shut it down immediately for your own sake.
You need to push yourself out of the situation and then occupy that mind space with something more positive and productive. For example, try to replace the racing thoughts with a task that requires focus, such as cooking, art, conversation, or sports.
4. Question the value of each thought
Experiencing a troubling thought can take a significant toll on your mind, body, and spirit. It can also leave you feeling numb and paralyzed on the inside. But this isn't the time to stay still and let your guard down. You’ve got to question the value of each thought you have. Ask yourself, “How did this thought arise and how does it serve me?”
If it comes from a bad place or if it harms your wellbeing in any way, throw it out. Then, ask more questions, like “Why am I so scared?”, “How can I change this?”, and “Will overthinking help the situation in any way?” Chances are, it won’t. So, don’t be afraid to face your own mind and challenge your own thoughts. You’re the one in control, after all.
5. Give yourself some credit
Overthinking often means concentrating on all the negative things about yourself. But how, then, can you see all the positives? You can’t give yourself enough credit if you’re focus on your shortcomings all the time. So, let the positivity in by boasting a little bit. You’ve made it this far, so you can’t be that bad.
Try to remember who you are at your core. Meditate on all the things you’re capable of doing and then focus on ways to make yourself ready to do those things. If you get lost in thought, bring your mind back to a more productive place. Remembering your worth instead of obsessing about your flaws can help reduce fear and stop negative thinking in its tracks.
6. Pay attention to how you’re dealing with it
The way you deal with your overthinking habit can define how those thoughts affect you. For instance, if you’re experiencing negative thoughts, that influences your mood. If you’re in a bad mood, you’re more likely to fall into a rut. Don’t let yourself be controlled by nagging thoughts or you’ll dive too deeply into a spiral of emotional distress.
You must take back control by trying to understand what triggers your overthinking. Is it because of unanswered questions? Are you worried about the loose ends? Do you fear embarrassment or ridicule? By paying attention to the way you deal with the problem you can uncover its roots much faster, then you can nip it in the bud.
7. Force yourself to live in the present
Overthinking is most often triggered by past or future events. Dwelling on the past usually involves feelings of regret, guilt, and/or embarrassment. So, most people end up feeling crummy after overthinking for too long. That’s because obsessing about things you can’t change makes you feel more powerless and vulnerable than you already do.
Meanwhile, you must remember that most of what you imagine for the future will never occur. Plus, how many times have you overthought about a situation only to learn later that you were very wrong with your assumptions? By overthinking about every little detail, you’re putting yourself at a greater risk of emotional turmoil and mental anguish. You’re letting the “what ifs” define you as they drag you into a dark place.
The present is where you need to be and stay. It’s the only time that you actually have control over, meaning it’s the part of the equation that can solve some of your problems. The “Here and Now” is the once place for overthinkers because it stops negative ideation and opens them up to more positive assumptions. So, don’t think about yesterday or tomorrow. Force yourself to live, laugh, and love in the present.
8. Practice some problem-solving techniques
Have you ever noticed how the racing thoughts in your head always center on what could go wrong? They’re seldom about how easy the situation is or how talented you may be. Instead, they’re a broken record of demoralizing thoughts that take you right out of the driver’s seat.
When you overthink and thereby focus on the negative, you basically block your brain from thinking logically and critically. It then becomes much harder to conceptualize the positive, helpful solutions right in front of your face. By frequently overwhelming your mind with thoughts of possible disaster, you stop looking for an answer and start focusing on the problem only. Instead, think of positive ways around the issue.
9. Take an affirmative action (or two)
Overthinking is only thoughts, no action. The best thing that most overthinkers achieve by allowing their thoughts to race is generating more worry, stress, and pain. Our thoughts ultimately become our reality, but that’s only true if you act on them. So, don’t. Take positive, affirmative steps instead.
When you let your thoughts rule your mind, you get stuck in an unproductive mental state and will most likely refuse to make moves in the right direction. As a result, nothing will change or get better. So, the choice is yours: allow overthinking to control your behaviors or break the cycle with affirmative actions. Things may not even be as bad as your mind is making them. Besides, you can always change your life if you’re willing to fight for it.
10. Ask for help if/when you need it
Everyone is unique. That means we all deal with stressful situations differently. Some problems are easy to fix, while others require the help of friends, family, or the community. At times, you can’t solve your own issues without outside assistance and that’s okay. Overthinking about it won’t change a thing either.
Keep available help in the back of your racing mind because it could help in more ways than one. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, reach out to friends, family, or licensed professionals. You don't have to conquer this beast alone. So, don't be scared or ashamed to ask for help because it’s never too late and there are probably more resources than you realize.
"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."- Albert Einstein
Even though overthinking is not considered an official mental illness, it can increase someone's risk of falling into deep states of depression or anxiety. If left unmanaged, the habit can become extremely dangerous and difficult to stop.
It's essential to think positively, act rationally, and practice will power to overcome this burden. Overthinking is usually the way for your mind tries to make sense of something it cannot understand. So, keeping your thoughts and emotions bottled up inside won’t help, nor will rehashing the situation repeatedly in your mind.
So, stop overthinking and start living for today. Clear your mind with healthy exercises and implement supportive lifestyle changes to help you stay focused on today. Remember, you don’t have to do this all by yourself because there are community resources available around the clock. You can contact a mental health professional if you need more support.
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According to Psychology Today, "Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify and manage one's own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. Emotionally intelligent adults can effectively identify their emotions, harness them to solve issues and conflicts, and regulate those emotions in difficult situations."
According to Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist who helped to popularize emotional intelligence, there are five key elements to it:
If you have trouble identifying your own emotions and react immaturely to situations and other people's behavior instead of responding maturely, this article shares 9 tips on how to become a more emotionally intelligent adult.
IDENTIFY YOUR EMOTIONS
Start this personal responsibility journey by identifying your emotions. Take a look at how you react to other people and situations. If you start yelling at others when things don't go your way, that's a definite display of immaturity. Consider the following ways to identify your emotions.
LEARN HOW TO EXPRESS YOURSELF
You must acknowledge that you have emotions, and that's okay. Embrace who you are, but acknowledge that you will likely need to make changes in the way you respond to others and circumstances. Consider the following ways that you can more effectively express yourself as an emotionally intelligent adult.
HAVE COMPASSION FOR YOURSELF
It's important that you learn how to love yourself throughout this process of becoming a more emotionally intelligent adult. You'll probably discover some things about yourself that you won't like. This is especially true if you're willing to be one hundred percent honest with yourself during the process.
TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR EMOTIONS
Don't let your emotions rule your life. Take charge of them and start following the tips mentioned in this article so you can become a more emotionally intelligent adult. You'll make your life easier and become a more enlightened person that other people will be drawn to.
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As a double-edged sword, perfectionism can easily hold you back from your best potential. There's nothing wrong with trying to achieve the best that you can. However, perfectionism comes from the need to be in complete control. It comes from the need to achieve unrealistic standards, in which you're going to burn yourself out from achieving. While perfectionism can motivate you to achieve great things, it does more harm than good. Trying to meet your own expectations and standards aren't bad. The toxicity lies in pushing yourself beyond what you're capable of, in order to meet your perfect standards. In result, this messes up your mindset, health, and your overall life.
When you're a perfectionist, you often have this unhealthy need to control certain outcomes in your life. Perfectionism allows you to avoid failure and mistakes, at all costs. In fact, you'll do everything just to avoid failure. You obsess over even the simplest of details and you'll do everything to achieve your own expectations. Studies have proven that perfectionism comes from fear and insecurity. Since you're afraid of the outcome of failure, perfectionism exists in your life. You constantly dwell on trying to get everything right, even when your own expectations are unrealistic. Various perfectionists worry that by being complacent in things, it leads to poor performance and this will reflect negatively in their progress of things. Perfectionists are extreme over-achievers and they burn every ounce of energy they have just to meet their standards of perfection.
In order to manage your perfectionism, you must first recognize why you're striving to be perfect. Does it come from a fear of not being good enough? Does it come from fear towards the road to success? Does it come from a need to control every aspect of your life? Whatever reason it may be, recognizing the reason behind your need for perfection is the first step in managing it. Realize that perfectionism is a mindset and when you let go of that fear and insecurity, you're a step closer to being better.
Perfectionism has everything to do with your mindset and by shifting your thought pattern, you will manage your perfectionism better. Striving for perfection isn't easy. Not only does perfectionism become time-consuming, but it becomes a roadblock in your life. No matter how much you try, you can never avoid failure and mistakes in your life. If the reason behind your perfectionism is a failure, don't you realize that failure is the opportunity for growth? While it may seem like a setback at first, it's how you become better. If you constantly have this need to control every outcome in your life, realize that the more you end up controlling things, the more frustrated and anxious you're going to be. Perfection is an impossible standard to maintain and the more you strive towards it, the more you exhaust yourself from trying. There's nothing wrong with achieving a certain goal, but there's a certain flaw in the need to be perfect all the time.
Instead of striving for perfection, you might want to adjust your standards into something more realistic. By pushing yourself towards a lesser standard, you let go of the burden you've been holding on to. Managing your perfection requires calibration of your standards. If you know that you did the best you could on a certain project, then there's no use in obsessing over every single detail. By doing this, you complete your task much faster than by integrating perfectionism in the picture. By adjusting your standards, this means that shifting your unrealistic standards into more realistic ones. For instance, let's say that one of your standards is to be promoted next month. While this can be a realistic standard, this can damage your health terribly in trying to achieve this singular goal. Rather than having this standard, you can shift to a healthier expectation such as submitting your deliverables earlier than the deadline or going to work early. The thing about perfectionism is that if you allow it to control you, you'll lose sight of what really matters.
4. Break the cycle of rumination
If you are a perfectionist, you probably have a tendency to ruminate and spend a lot of your time thinking about your every mistakes. When you realize you're starting to ruminate, finding a distraction such as a pleasant activity can break the cycle. Experts say that people who ruminate tend to be less forgiving of themselves. If you recognize yourself in this description, self-compassion is the way to go. You can meditate and repeat the ho’oponopono mantra, a profound and healing forgiveness practice.
By managing your perfection, it's also necessary to go easy on yourself. For instance, there's a deadline that's due in a moment and yet, you stress yourself out by doing it immediately. In order to manage your perfection, it's necessary to go easy on yourself and to realize that pushing yourself beyond your limit isn't going to do any good. Going for a break isn't the same as laziness. In fact, rest is essential to perform at your best. A lot of perfectionists are guilty of doing continuous work since they think that being productive is tied to their worth or their success. However, this is a false and toxic notion tied to perfectionism. You aren't going to be less successful by taking a break. By constantly abusing your mental health, you reduce your chances of ever attaining success.
The thing about trying to obtain a certain level of perfection is you're doing everything just to avoid failure. However, you should recognize that failure is a part of life, and the same goes for mistakes. Managing your perfectionism involves accepting that you will fail, one way or another. It's through failure that you grow and become better as a person, whether it's regarding the success or your personal growth. Perfection is an impossible standard, as we've mentioned earlier in this article, and it's through embracing failure that you completely live your life.
While it's easy to become obsessed with achieving perfection, realize that it's both unrealistic and unhealthy. At the end of the day, your mental health is more important than achieving perfection.
From 15 to 30 years old, I was obsessed with this idea of falling behind. Looking back, I would tell my younger self this: "Stop being so hard on yourself!! Be patient and pace yourself. Most things in life take time. You can't pull on the carrots in a garden to make them grow faster. They are not falling behind; they just need time to grow. You need to give life enough time to work its magic. It doesn’t mean that you have to be completely passive, just work with the flow of life instead of resisting it." This sense of urgency still comes back from time to time but now I try to focus on the things I can do today to achieve my vision instead of looking too far into the future, a future I have no control over.
I am at a point in life where I am actually questioning the importance of accomplishments in my life. When did life become such a competition? Accomplishments are great but what matters most is how we live our day to day life. Is life a competition that I need to win or an experience I need to fully live? Matt Damon said that we was happy that he won an Oscar at such a young age because he realized that happiness wasn't there (video). I took the Yale's free online course The Science of Well-Being and the teacher explained how we often mispredict the things that will make us happy. I blame our constant exposure to marketing but that is a whole different subject. So, if hapiness isn't in accomplishments, where is it? Stay tuned, we might find it together.
Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield said in his book An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth that an astronaut trained hard all his life with no certainty that he would ever go to space. If going to space was his only goal, he would be in a constant state of disappointment and unhappiness. He put his focus on his daily training, made sure the training on its own would fulfill because it was what most of his life was about. Going to space was the cherry on top but not his goal. I thought that it was an interesting point of view. We sometimes have tunnel vision and get lost in these goals and accomplishments that are very narrow minded. If Chris Hadfield could train as hard as he did with no certainty he would ever go to space, I am sure I can live a life that is going toward a certain goal without the certainty of every getting it...as long as I enjoy the ride, as cliché as it may be. It brings me back to square one: what about simply enjoying my daily life and being happy in the moment instead of chasing a future state of happiness? We are never falling behind when we are enjoying the ride, we are right on track.
]]>Learning something new is often uncomfortable because we are stepping out of our comfort zone. Whether it is learning a new skill, a new habit or how to be a better version of ourselves, there is always a learning curve. During this time, we feel lost, incompetent, pathetic and even shameful. Struggling at something new is very human and perfectly normal. It takes time to build new skills and we are allowed to give ourselves that time. But how often do we set ourselves up for failure and disappointment by having unattainable expectations? How often do we torture ourselves by not being allowed to make mistakes or be human in our learning process?
Let's allow ourselves the freedom of making mistakes and being imperfect. We are not a failure if it is difficult. We are a beginner and we are learning. I have been guilty of torturing myself more times than I can count.
I have been struggling with perfectionism ever since I was a child. I often sabotage myself with my unrealistic expectations, my fear of making a mistake and not being perfect or my restlessness and impatience. It has had a very negative impact on my life and my self-esteem and it has lead to proscratination, chronic anxiety and feeling like a failure. I am my own worst enemy but I am also the one holding the key. Before we start torturing ourselves over torturing ourselves, I will invite you to recite with me the ho'oponopono mantra I shared yesterday, to forgive ourselves for any shortcomings and to be compassionate with the beginner that we are.
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