Are You Guilty of Internalized Misogyny Without Knowing It?

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Note from Mari

Unfortunately, most of us have been guilty of internalized misogyny at some point—myself included. It’s a result of the society we’ve grown up in, where these biases subtly shape our beliefs and actions without us even realizing it. This article isn’t about shaming anyone; it’s about encouraging a gentle, honest reflection within ourselves. How do we treat ourselves and other women? How much of this is happening on a subconscious level? My hope is that, through this reflection, we can each take small steps toward a more compassionate and empowered view of ourselves and each other.

 

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Misogyny is often thought of as something external—a prejudice held by others against women. But what happens when those same biases take root within us? This phenomenon, known as internalized misogyny, can subtly shape how we view ourselves and other women. Without realizing it, we may hold ourselves to impossible standards, judge other women harshly, or even limit our own potential.

In this article, we’ll dive into what misogyny is, how it becomes internalized, and the signs to watch for in our own thoughts and behaviors. Most importantly, we’ll explore practical steps to unlearn these biases and cultivate a healthier, more empowered relationship with ourselves and other women. 

 

What is Misogyny, and What is Internalized Misogyny?

Misogyny is defined as the prejudice or contempt toward women based on their gender. It’s a form of sexism that manifests as discrimination, devaluation, and hostility directed at women simply for being women. Misogyny shows up in countless ways—ranging from outright exclusion or violence to more subtle forms of bias, such as expecting women to conform to restrictive roles, judging them harshly for their choices, or diminishing their contributions in professional and social spaces. Misogyny isn’t limited to individuals; it’s often built into cultural systems, institutions, and media, shaping societal expectations of women and influencing how they are treated.

Internalized misogyny occurs when women unconsciously absorb these societal biases and start directing them inwardly, both toward themselves and other women. Instead of being an external force, this form of misogyny is expressed as self-criticism, judgment of other women, and self-doubt. Women may unknowingly uphold harmful beliefs, such as feeling unworthy unless they meet impossible beauty standards, questioning other women’s choices, or competing with women as if there’s limited space for female success.

While misogyny is often overt and easy to identify, internalized misogyny is subtle and personal, which can make it harder to recognize. It manifests in thoughts, feelings, and behaviors shaped by deeply ingrained societal messages. Recognizing and overcoming internalized misogyny is about unlearning these biases and building a healthier, more supportive view of oneself and other women.

 

Recognizing the Signs of Internalized Misogyny

Recognizing internalized misogyny is the first step toward dismantling it. The following behaviors are common indicators:

1. JUDGING OTHER WOMEN HARSHLY 

• Criticizing appearance: You might notice yourself being overly judgmental of other women’s bodies, clothes, or overall appearance. Perhaps you feel a sense of superiority or discomfort when a woman doesn’t conform to societal beauty standards, or you might envy women who do.
• Questioning women's choices: Do you find yourself thinking, “She’s too ambitious” or “She should be spending more time with her family”? Criticizing another woman’s personal or professional choices—especially when those judgments aren’t applied equally to men—is a sign of internalized misogyny.
• Shaming sexual behavior: Whether it’s labeling a woman as “too prudish” or “too promiscuous,” shaming another woman for her sexual choices often reflects societal norms that limit and judge women’s sexuality.

 

2. COMPETING WITH OTHER WOMEN 

• Jealousy and comparison: Do you frequently compare yourself to other women and feel inferior or superior based on that comparison? Society teaches women to view each other as competition, especially when it comes to beauty, success, or romantic relationships.
• Undermining other women: If you feel compelled to discredit another woman’s achievements or downplay her strengths, this is another form of internalized misogyny. It stems from a belief that there’s only room for one woman at the top, a notion that reinforces gender inequality.

3. DOWNPLAYING YOUR OWN WORTH

• Self-doubt and self-sabotage: Do you struggle to accept compliments or feel you’re never “good enough”? Internalized misogyny often results in women believing they don’t deserve success, happiness, or love unless they meet impossible standards.
• Apologizing for taking up space: Many women have been conditioned to apologize for everything—whether it’s for their opinions, accomplishments, or simply existing in a male-dominated space. This reflexive apology is a symptom of internalized misogyny, a subconscious belief that you don’t deserve to be heard or valued.

4. REINFORCING GENDER NORMS

• Supporting patriarchal ideas: This can manifest as upholding traditional gender roles, believing that women should always be nurturing caregivers, or disapproving of women who reject these roles.
• Denying misogyny exists: Minimizing or dismissing the impact of sexism—whether it’s in the workplace, media, or everyday interactions—may also indicate internalized misogyny. Believing that “it’s just how things are” perpetuates harmful systems that limit women’s potential.

Overcoming Internalized Misogyny

Acknowledging internalized misogyny is only the beginning; the next step is learning how to dismantle these beliefs and attitudes. This is an ongoing process that requires introspection, empathy, and conscious effort.

1. CHALLENGE YOUR BELIEFS

• Practice self-awareness: Begin by paying attention to the thoughts you have about yourself and other women. When you catch yourself judging or competing, pause and ask, “Where is this coming from? Is this really how I feel, or is it a reflection of societal expectations?”
• Reframe your mindset: Instead of seeing other women as competitors, embrace the idea that there is enough success, beauty, and opportunity for everyone. Celebrate other women’s victories as if they were your own. Surround yourself with women who lift each other up, and you’ll begin to naturally shift away from a competitive mindset.

2. EMBRACE YOUR OWN POWER

• Build self-confidence: Combat internalized misogyny by recognizing your worth and capabilities. This might mean developing a practice of self-affirmation, setting boundaries, or pursuing your personal and professional goals without apology. The more confident you are in your own abilities, the less likely you are to judge yourself or others.
• Stop apologizing unnecessarily: Begin noticing how often you apologize for things that don’t warrant an apology. When you find yourself saying sorry for taking up space, voicing an opinion, or expressing an emotion, remind yourself that you have every right to exist without apology.

3.SUPPORT OTHER WOMEN

• Foster female solidarity: Consciously work to uplift the women around you. This can be as simple as offering words of encouragement, supporting women-led businesses, or mentoring younger women. By choosing to stand with women instead of against them, you weaken the grip of internalized misogyny.
• Call out sexist behavior: Whether it’s in your workplace, social circle, or media consumption, don’t let sexism go unchallenged. Encourage conversations about the ways women are treated and how gender bias plays out in daily life. This awareness not only helps dismantle internalized misogyny within yourself but also in others.

4. RE-EVALUATE MEDIA AND CULTURAL INFLUENCES 

• Be critical of media portrayals: The media plays a significant role in perpetuating sexist attitudes. Start being selective about the TV shows, movies, books, and social media accounts you consume. Opt for narratives that empower women, celebrate diversity, and challenge gender norms.
• Unlearn beauty standards: Reflect on where your ideas about beauty, success, and femininity come from. Do they genuinely resonate with you, or are they products of a patriarchal society? Begin to dismantle the belief that your value is tied to your appearance, and reject the notion that you must conform to societal beauty standards to be worthy of love or success.

5. HEAL THROUGH SELF-COMPASSION

• Practice self-compassion: Understand that internalized misogyny isn’t your fault; it’s something society has ingrained in all of us. Be gentle with yourself as you work to unlearn these harmful beliefs. Healing from internalized misogyny is a gradual process that requires patience and kindness.
• Reconnect with your body: For many women, internalized misogyny can lead to a disconnection from their bodies, often through body shaming or unrealistic expectations. Engage in practices that help you reconnect with and appreciate your body, whether it’s through yoga, dancing, or simply being mindful of how you talk to yourself about your physical appearance.

6. EMBRACE DIVERSITY AND INTERSECTIONALITY 

• Acknowledge privilege and bias: Internalized misogyny doesn’t affect all women equally; race, class, sexuality, and other factors play a role in shaping each woman’s experience of sexism. Be mindful of how these intersections influence your own biases, and make a conscious effort to support and understand women from all backgrounds.
• Expand your circle: Surround yourself with women who challenge and inspire you, especially those who come from different walks of life. Engaging with diverse perspectives helps break down the narrow, limiting definitions of womanhood that internalized misogyny often promotes.

Why This Matters

Overcoming internalized misogyny is not just about self-improvement; it’s about reclaiming our power as individuals and as a collective. When we free ourselves from the restrictive beliefs society has placed on us, we not only improve our own lives but also help create a world where women are valued for who they are, not for how well they conform to outdated standards.

By recognizing the ways internalized misogyny affects our thoughts, actions, and relationships, we can begin the process of healing. This journey is deeply personal, but it’s also one that connects us with a larger movement toward equality, solidarity, and empowerment. The more we support each other and ourselves, the more we can break free from the chains of misogyny and step into our full potential as women.

Final Thoughts

Recognizing and overcoming internalized misogyny is a continuous journey. It requires us to be brave, compassionate, and self-aware. While the process can be challenging, it ultimately leads to greater self-acceptance, deeper connections with other women, and a more profound sense of empowerment. By doing this inner work, we reclaim our voice, honor our worth, and pave the way for future generations to thrive in a world free from the limitations of sexist beliefs.