How to Stop Ruminating After Narcissistic Abuse
Growing up with a narcissist mother, I have had my fair share of relationships with narcissists. Here is what I figured out about the rumination:
1- They often pick someone who is very honest. Someone for whom honesty and integrity are very important. I think it is one of the reasons that we cant comprehend their behavior because it is so far from who we are and our values. It is litterally impossible for us to understand it.
2- I think the contrast from the love bombing phase to the discard phase is so drastic the brain cant understand. I was discarded 2 weeks after he wrote me a long letter telling me I was the love of his life and how he couldnt see his life without me. How can someone go from "you are the love of my life, come back" to a cold discard in 2 weeks? Your brain is fucked. Impossible to comprehend.
3- They often prey on vulnerable people so those happy memories are probably the first ones you've had in a long time. So they are even more special to you. Of course you dont want to let them and the memories go.
4- These people dont want to be forgotten and they do everything in their power so you ruminate and constantly think about them even when they are not there because in their mind they are so special and unforgettable. They imprint that in our minds.
Here is what to do:
When the rumination starts, tell him to go away the same way they say you have to tell a ghost to go away when your house is haunted. I know it sounds a little woo woo but these people are evil and I wouldnt be surprised if they would still feed on our energy through rumination.
You can do it! Stay strong.